Rant-a-rific

Insert SIGH here

2008-09-27T14:56:00.000-07:00

I'm in Chicago this week for work and anytime I'm in a big city I end up wandering around and looking at shit and eating stuff and buying things. Chicago is a cool city I have to say. I'm hoping they send me back here sometime soon.

lately i've been thinking so much about the state of my romantic affairs and the direction my future is going, and i've realized that action is necessary but I dont know what kind. nor do I feel like I have the strength it will take to do it. I go round and round with myself about this and today I had a small moment of clarity about it. I realized as I was sweating buckets in the windy city that I have to take small steps and just enjoy the moments that feel RIGHT until those moments outweight the wrong ones. I just have to trust that the time that action needs to come, will present itself but not until I'm ready.

I need your support on something

2008-09-15T10:22:00.000-07:00

Hello All,

all like 5 of you that are left or something..:)

I don't usually get all political on my blog but this is a rare exception.

I have recently been given an opportunity I'm really excited about and I am hoping you will help me with support and possibly some help spreading the word.

I have been asked to be the head of merchandising for both a one man show and a non profit foundation to help our troops.

I encourage any of you that support our military men and women (regardless of which side you are on about this current deployment of them) to check out more information about the foundation on the website: http://www.mehadifoundation.org/

Jeff Key started the foundation after his return from Iraq to help fund healing and help for those soldiers dealing with emotional and addiction issues following a return from duty. The foundation also raises money to help rebuild and help those communities in Iraq that have been ruined by war.

One of the ways that he is doing this is by traveling his one man show to raise funds and awareness of the reality of being a soldier. The show is really lovely, it's very personal and moving and gives you such a great insight into his thoughts and feelings while being overseas.

If you are reading this and you are in support of our men and women that serve in the armed forces, please visit the websites and if you feel inclined, make a donation. If that isn't possible (as I know it isn't always a possibility) I just have one favor to ask and that is this:

Can you spread the word about this foundation and this show? This new responsibility means a lot to me and I am very flattered to have been asked to run merchandising for this foundation. If you could link to the websites on your blog or even just back to this post, it would mean a great deal.

I know not everyone out there on the web agrees politically or about such matters, but one thing is for sure, we should all be supporting our men and women fighting.

Thanks!

My new Favorite Thing

2008-08-14T15:06:00.000-07:00

So.....

I have been getting into stand up comedy lately and I'm sharing this with you for a few reasons.

I'm narcissistic and I want you to watch me.
One of my friends can't access any other files at work so basically I am uploading for him to watch:)

So, enjoy or whatever:)

Watch this show and more at SyncLive.com

I look famous!

2008-08-13T23:07:00.000-07:00

According to My Heritage.com I look like Vivien Leigh!

MyHeritage: Celebrity Morph - Geneology - Free family tree

and frighteningly like raven simone!

MyHeritage: Family trees - Genealogy - Celebrities

A Selfish Affair

2008-08-10T21:37:00.000-07:00

I went on a date today. With myself.

And I'm planning on doing it again. GASP!

I realize there are possibly some of you out there (I got your comment PTG, I'm Sorry!) that are like "she's gone for MONTHS and now this bullshit?!". Here's the short explanation: Yes. This is it, I'm back I guess, or something. I appreciate all of your patience.

So I went on a date of sorts with myself today. I really needed it. It feels like it's been a lifetime since I've been on a proper date. The kind where you go to a scheduled activity but then find time before and after to just wander around and learn about each other. I went to the Monterey Bay Aquarium today. It was really incredible! I encourage anyone that lives in that area, or visits often or is looking for a vacation to GO! The water is gorgeous, there are tons of little shops and restaurants and all kinds of fun stuff around and great people watching!

I think there is great truth in the idea of loving yourself before you can or should love someone else. I also think it's easier to accept love from a person when you love you and they love them. I realize that's a heavy thought right now, but just let it sink in over time. I decided it was full well time I fell in love with myself. I'm not sure that I ever have and If I did, I kind of lost it. So I went on a date today. And it was LOVELY.

The Aquarium is beautiful and fascinating and basically just stunning all around. I will be very honest with you and say that I only went at the urging of a friend (Thank you Einstein) and my uncle. I thought to myself "what else do I have to lose? I'm down here over the weekend, not going anywhere" so I went. I learned something new about myself (such a great thing on a date). I am fascinated by undersea wildlife! Being so close to those creatures felt really humbling. All of that is going on BELOW the surface, amazing!

I then took myself to dinner and ate over the ocean. That's right, at a restaurant that hangs out OVER the pacific. GORGEOUS. I'm not sure what my life has in store for me next, or what path I'll choose but I do know this. I feel extremely hopeful about my future.

I took a leisurely walk back to my car and on the way bought myself some yummy Ghirardelli chocolates and some little gifts for the roommate and the dog:)

On my way back to my hotel (about an hour) I blasted the Broadway show tune channel on satellite radio (yes I'm a huge geek) and just thought about the day I'd had. I wasn't focused on "boy wouldn't this be so much better if a significant other (or insert name here) was here with me? No. I was excited about discovering that I am fascinated by the ocean. That I can entertain myself. That I have so many layers and they are all amazing, and also that I can do anything I want and I will be OK.

In closing, thanks for sticking with me folks, I feel happy that you somehow knew I'd be back some day. Here are some pictures from my little trip. Go on a date with yourself!

Huge FISH!

Who knew the beach made me so happy?

JELLIES!

OMFG! CUTE ASS PENGUINS

Carmel By the Sea: probably paradise for sure.

OMG!! WTF!1! A NEW POST!

2008-04-07T13:17:00.000-07:00

yes yes i know. I have been so neglectful. I would like to say that it's because I'm doing something really amazing like curing cancer, but no such luck. I've been distracted by a man. It makes me shudder just typing that because I have lived my life so adamantly against letting a man run, ruin, or disrupt my life in any way. Particularly in a chaotic way. But life is just not yours for the choosing most of the time and I got hit hard by that little a-hole cherub with a bow and arrow.

(why hasn't someone taken the archery equipment away from that little bastard yet anyway?!)

Some of you loyal readers (and I do appreciate your loyalty, please believe me) may remember this post about this man. Well that one or two months has now turned into about 5. Yes. It has taken him 5 months to get home from across the country but you know what? After this weekend I know why and although it has been extremely difficult, I forgive him.

My life has been Disneyland compared to how he grew up. That is not really an excuse however and some choices he made over the last 2 years before he met me have contributed to a hell of a lot of chaos in his life. He admits that he hasn't made the best of decisions over the last 2 years and his karma is now suffering horrendously for it.

This is my second trip out here to see him and I know some might (and probably are) ask themselves "why would you go through all that when he can't even show you how much he cares by getting his ass home?" Simple.

This man loves me like no man has ever loved me. The connection we have is miraculous. So comfortable, so easy. My hand never wants for his, my lower back has been warmed for 4 days straight by his hand on it. I've never been kissed on the forehead so much in my life. He makes me laugh: like crack up, snorting, snot out your nose, pee your pants kind of laughing. He tells me constantly how amazing I am. How kind he thinks I am, how he doesn't deserve me. Whether he does or not I don't think matters, whether we both feel equal and partnered well matters a great deal more I think.

The first time I came here to see him, I was only here for about 1.5 days and we spent a great afternoon together before he had to go to where he was working to be able to afford having to stay for a few weeks. The minute he entered my hotel room it was not at all as if we hadn't met in person yet, It was as if we hadn't seen each other in months, as if we'd known each other for years and had been together plenty of times.

I can only describe this weekend not just the same as that, but so much better. We spent every day I was here together. Took the train to a historic town north of the city and spent a few hours rolling around, giving each other raspberries and making love. (sorry family members that read this)

He brought me to the airport today and it was like all those ridiculous movies you see on lifetime. I got all teary eyed and he told me it would be ok. I never imagined I'd feel this way about a person or they about me. He keeps telling me 'I never imagined I could ever love someone so much'. I feel exactly the same.

They say people "just know when it's the one". I know I am in no place to get married and we both discussed the fact that we are in NO hurry to be married, but we both admitted that we think about a future together. I don't think I ever really honestly saw myself with any of my boyfriends long term. Not really 'marriage potential' until now. Who knows what the future holds? I don't, you don't. But I am excited for what it will hold for us together going forward.

Here is a picture from my trip. Happy and Cute no?

Snowed In

2008-01-27T17:25:00.000-08:00

So I'm at home tonight when I thought I would be in sunny Denver Colorado because it snowed so much here that they CLOSED the airport. just...WOW.

all day long I have had the WORST pain in my lower ab/uterus region. I attributed it to my "woman time". I just realized that's not it at all....

I seriously think I pulled my lower abs masturbating. Who knew that was possible? I guess I know what to be prepared for the next time I try a new position.

Just sayin.

A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes...

2008-01-20T22:57:00.001-08:00

I just wanted to share with everyone that tonight I fulfilled in a small way a dream of mine that I have had for a little while now....

I did Open Mic stand up! I was only up there for about 2 minutes I think but they laughed!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Thanks for sharing this with me:)

LOVE YOUR CERVIX!!!

2008-01-18T10:33:00.000-08:00

I am on the mailing list for Planned Parenthood. Regardless of how you feel about certain procedures that they provide or the whole entire birth control issue, I got an email today that is extremely important no matter what you think about family planning.

Your Cervix.

or the Cervix of your loved one(s)

This is part of the body of the email, please read it and do what it says, it's extremely important for the health of every woman in this world.

Top Three Ways to Love Your Cervix(or the Cervix of Someone You Love)

1. Get a Pap test. I know, I know, this seems obvious. But think about it: When WAS your last Pap test? Start taking care of it this very moment. It couldn't be more important, and Planned Parenthood couldn't make it easier for you to find your nearest health center and make an appointment. Please don't put it off; you owe me a Pap and a cervical cancer screening at least once a year: Make your appointment now.

2. Get the HPV vaccine. You may have heard about this one in the news — well, now it's time to take advantage of it. Protect me from the types of human papilloma virus (HPV) responsible for 70 percent of all cervical cancer cases, not to mention genital warts. Check out these YouTube videos to learn more about me, HPV, and the HPV vaccine.

3. Have safer sex. Okay, duh. But seriously, when I say safer, I mean using protection every time. Add HPV and cervical cancer to the long list of reasons why safer sex is sexier sex, and remember: your cervix cannot protect you, so please protect your cervix. Find out more about protection and safer sex here.

utilize the links if you need to for resources on pap tests and possibly the HPV vaccine. I am still undecided about the vaccine but it seems to have done good for many women, check it out at least!

Who is PAYING FOR THIS?!

2008-01-17T08:01:00.001-08:00

I check the Fark regularly. This morning there was the first 2008 story about hookers being arrested in NY. (I'm sure there are many more to come, but I digress)

Check out these awful, half dead, worn out, disease ridden looking hookers.

I understand that getting hookers is not always about not being able to get any, it's also about secret sex so that your spouse or significant other doesn't know. But here's what I have to say about this:

GO INTO ANY BAR. THERE IS A WOMAN THERE GUARANTEED TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU IF YOU PAY ATTENTION TO HER LONG ENOUGH.*

And she's probably a hell of a lot cuter than those disgusting prostitutes.

*Before I get angry "but you're supposed to be a feminist" emails, just think for a moment about all the men and women out there that have little to no respect for themselves and sleep with anything or anyone that they encounter. That's who I'm talking about, I'm not suggesting take advantage of someone, you don't have to, they'll come to you.

An Update

2008-01-14T17:45:00.000-08:00

There have been a few queries by folks about the situation with this gentleman.

Things are, how should I say.....stagnant?

It's a very long story (as it always is) and he is still there and I am still here and we have cooled things off a bit and I am just waiting for him to come home and take me out and prove to me that he is not a total a-hole. (I don't think he is, I think he is in a shitty place in his life and it was the WRONG time to meet each other but I'm sure everyone has their opinion)

In the meantime I've been having some pretty damn good sex with myself (go me!)

I have nothing else to rant about at the moment, and I have to jet as I have a board meeting tonight. BLEH.

Note to the reader: If someone woos you into being on the board of directors for a local community theatre........RUN LIKE HELL.

I have GOT to lose some weight

2008-01-06T20:53:00.000-08:00

I am very quickly approaching the outside bounds of the entire plus size clothes category. I can't NOT buy clothes!!!

SUCK.

A Relationship By Any Other Medium...........Or Where the hell else am I supposed to meet men?!

2007-12-18T08:01:00.000-08:00

I'm pretty irritated at the moment. Yes, aren't you lucky, you get to read why.

I've met a man. I met him online. He is wonderful. We've been 'seeing each other' for about a month now. He has a good portion of the requirements I wanted in a man that my therapist made me decide upon while in therapy. The rest will come in time I'm sure. He is:

*Amazingly Kind
*Creative
*Spiritual
*Mature
*Responsible
*Appreciative of Spontaneity
*Funny
*Appreciative of my funny
*Into the Theatre (anyone that reads this blog knows this is important to me)
*Into Movies (again, seriously)

I'm going to stop my list there, I could go on and on and on I'm sure.

Here's the thing that throws most people over the edge about this:

We haven't "met" in person yet.

Before you freak out and leave me a crazed comment, please let me enlighten you on the situation that called for this course of action. NO, he is NOT in prison. (although a good friend told me recently that one of her best friends, a very logical, educated social worker met and then eventually married a man that she met while writing letters to in prison)

Through a series of unfortunate events (most of them beyond his control and not his fault) he has been stuck on the east coast for over a month. The first two weeks were work (he had left the day after we first emailed), then work made him stay on because his replacement quit. He got as far as Denver and got a frantic email that his estranged mother was looking for him at his old apartment so he had to go take care of that mess and then when he was finally ready to come home there was an emergency room stay followed by bumped flights home because of a blizzard. Now I know enough about life to know that it screws you in the ass the first chance it gets. This may only happen once, but it's probably going to be the worst ass screwing you ever get. This is his ass screwing and it just so happened to fall right after we chatted the first time. In the meantime, we have spent over a month on the phone, on IM, emailing and text messaging. I know this man better than I knew my last boyfriend, and I had SEX with him for 3 months. I have not had sex with this man, nor have I even really thought about it until recently and only because I have become attracted to him in so many other ways. Although this situation sucks for both of us (particularly him and his being trapped in the NE) we both agreed it was the right thing to happen, it forced us to court each other, get to know each other on a level that was not clouded by sex or social pressures, etc. The craziness has finally ended and he is coming home within the next few days, I'm picking him up at the airport and we couldn't be more excited to see each other. He is mad for me and tells me daily. I feel the same way.

Where's the RANT part you say? This is "Rant-a-rific". Touche.

I have at least 2 friends that have plainly told me they are "suspicious" of him and flat out that they think he is a "pathological liar and is playing me". Don't get me wrong, I appreciate their concern but please know I am no fool. I have already double checked, address, phone number and driven by the house. I did those within the first 2 days of him telling them to me. I know how to protect myself and I have met a lot of men online and found the patterns that a liar uses. I'm no spring chicken at this. More importantly I have the not so tangible method of trusting my gut. I have a pretty damn good radar for people, and the sad truth is that every guy that ever hurt me (unless we were young and he had no idea what he was doing) I got a vibe from. I knew they weren't right but I dated them (or slept with them) anyway. Well, I KNOW that this one is good, I can feel it. The part that kills me about this whole situation is that those 2 friends (as well as a whole host of other people I reckon) would not even bat an eyelash had I met this man through letter writing to a soldier. (If you can think of a better example please tell me, this is the best I got). People fall in love with soldiers overseas all the time. They begin as pen pals, and then fall in love through these letters and end up together when the soldier returns home. I realize that not all of these last forever and I am not basing my situation on theirs, I am simply saying that in that situation, it would not be considered odd if that soldier was to return home and through no fault of his own had to stay on deployment, or was stuck at a base for a few days or a week or was sent to another location for a few days. These things would be considered normal, and waiting for that in person meeting would be something to be excited about, not looked down on.

I am EFFING tired of meeting people online being thought of and looked on as such a "risky" thing to do. May I remind everyone that Ted Bundy met women in bars and on the street and he KILLED THEM. My ex boyfriend I met at work, and he broke my heart.

DATING IS RISKY. Period. Doesn't matter where you meet people, you have to be careful with yourself, your heart.

I am mad for this man, nay, I LOVE HIM. I don't care what anyone says, he loves me too and I will meet him at that airport and it will be one of the happiest days of my life.

Who publishess this crap?!

2007-11-30T07:21:00.000-08:00

This is exactly what the world needs.

A news story that tells our kids to start fucking YOUNGER.

JESUS CHRIST this culture is dumb. happy unplanned pregnancy and STI's!

If I have to...

2007-11-18T11:27:00.000-08:00

flip through one more romantic comedy on tv.........Well I have no idea what I'll do but it won't be pretty, that's guaranteed.

Just... BARF.

It doesn't make me feel very good..

2007-11-14T07:15:00.000-08:00

that one of the things I'm best at is pushing men away by being a sarcastic bitch.

And this one actually likes me.

Somebody beat me over the head or something.

Your Bloody Well Right..

2007-11-02T06:14:00.000-07:00

Never fear my companions...I will be posting pictures when I am home and able to sort through them and find just the perfect ones to share. I will let you know that my vacation abroad is going quite well and many exciting and fun things have been happening; including but not limited to:

*Getting picked up by a stranger in Leicester Square Garden
*British Karaoke
*Seeing Shakespeare's Grave
*Buying Things
*Riding Trains
*Getting quite acustomed to underground travel
*Drinking Beer

There is always more to say and to see and so I bid you all ~CHEERS!!

but just for the moment.

Jolly Good

2007-10-23T22:33:00.000-07:00

I'm going to England.

TOMORROW!!!!!

Just sayin.

In my day they punished being a Brat. Now they promote it.

2007-10-16T11:09:00.000-07:00

I will preface this post by saying that I do not have children. I have never had to raise a daughter. I DO however have lots of friends with little girls that I spend a decent amount babysitting and *hopefully* mentoring. I am quite disturbed by this whole "BRATZ" phenomenon.

I know that one of the arguments I usually hear when I bring up the fact that I think Bratz dolls are inappropriate for little girls is "well barbie didn't do much better". I have to disagree with that statement. I think that although barbie did (and still does) give an unrealistic body image expectation (especially considering that the majority of the US is overweight) she was much better at showing our young girls (and boys I guess if they had barbies) how to respect themselves and that they could be anything they wanted to be. On the Bratz website they barely hint at this and it seems almost as a means to countering the overpowering message of sex and tantrums to get you where you want to be. Let's see some evidence to show my point.

Let's ignore for a minute the amount of make up she is wearing (cause let's face it, Barbie's a little overdone herself...) but the facial features themselves are completely exxagerated in a sexual manner. The huge eyes that are shaped very sultry and I have no clue how they did this with plastic and paint but made them very obviously quite "beckoning" and sensual. Barbie's eyes are almond shaped as well and indicate a more mature woman, but I do not get a sexual vibe from them, she looks friendly, not fuckable. Barbie's mouth is in a nice approachable smile, with teeth showing, which tells us she's healthy and probably going to be nice to us. The Fairy Bratz doll on the other hand (and all the other Bratz dolls by the way) have the overly pouted lip glossed mouth that I'm sure some male friends that would refer to as DSL's.

To a lesser extent but still bothersome is the clothing on these dolls:

Although both dolls are wearing a shirt that shows their tummy, Barbie's is a cute Tshirt that seems to have ridden up while walking her dog, the Bratz doll is wearing a skimpy tank top that shows her belly and says "babe" in sparkly letters. You might think that I picked the most normal looking barbie and the most horrendous looking Bratz I could find for this but I merely did a Google search and these are what came up. Most of the other Barbie images were special edition Barbies and I wanted something indicative of the norm. The same thing goes for the Bratz, this is not a special edition, this is what they all look like. While I cannot really pin down the exact pieces of clothing that these dolls wear and how they are either appropriate or innapropriate, I think it's obvious by the entire look of the dolls. Barbie looks fun and casual, the Bratz doll looks like a hooker.

Why are we teaching our children to be easy, demanding, and obsessed with material things? This is not the way a person gets ahead in this world, at least not really. I think it really says something when our children are being hyper sexualized and yet their education about their bodies is being all but taken away.

I don't have any children, yet. You can believe that when I do, the only time they will hear "Bratz" is when I tell them not to act like one.

If you can't beat 'em, pretend to join 'em

2007-10-09T14:30:00.000-07:00

I am completely disgusted by a new tactic that the pro-life movement has used to essentially trick people into making christian faith-based decisions about unplanned pregnancy.

A Pro-Life group here at home has recently opened a clinic in my old college town and are calling it "IChoice". The name "IChoice" somehow indicates that they are possibly in alignment with the pro-choice movement. They are not.

I have never had any desire to tell someone that is pro-life that they are wrong, or that they should change their mind. It is their mind, they may do as they wish. HOWEVER, I find it egregious for a group like this to couch their agenda in a mysterious term like "IChoice". I believe they purposely chose this name to attract folks that may not align with the pro-life movement but are looking for complete, factual information and options about family planning. I can almost guarantee you they will not be offering complete, factual information about family planning. I realize that there is nothing to be done about this. They chose a business name for their clinic and are well within their rights. No amount of protesting will do anything to make this clinic change its name. I just hope that there is enough information to go around that small little college town, so that women do not get lured into a "choice" that isn't the one for them.

Productive, I dare say.

2007-10-07T17:41:00.000-07:00

Every piece of clothing I own is now clean. Except for the 4 pieces on my body.

BOOYAH.

Does this mean you're going to track me?

2007-10-06T21:50:00.000-07:00

That damn PTG tagged me, and although I don't usually like to do these tag thingies, I decided 8 random facts about myself wouldn't be that hard.

THE RULES:
1. Post these rules before you give you the facts.
2. List eight (8) random facts about yourself.
3. At the end of your post, choose (tag) someone and list their name (linking to their page).
4. Leave them a comment on their blog letting them know they’ve been tagged

Here goes:

1. I have broken 2 bones in my life. Both toes. Both in embarassing stupid accidents.

2. I can spin plates like at the circus. Believe it or not I learned it in a college class, for CREDIT.

3. I failed the tightrope section however.

4. Every few years my birthday is on Thanksgiving and I get to have my favorite food on my favorite day.

5. I'm on a local radio station right now as a guest DJ. I'm listening to myself.

6. If I wasn't going to be a theatre director I would go into either sex education or sex therapy.

7. I could eat chocolate pudding every day for the rest of my life and not get sick of it. Not even remotely.

8. I have flown to Michigan for a guy. He didn't return the favor. In fact he promptly stopped talking to me.

Ok, there are my random facts, and now it is time for tagging of others!!!

Melancholy Trollop and Juicy

Why I get accosted on planes, and other tidbits of debauchery

2007-10-02T07:14:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted in a while. Well not with anything worth while. I'm at work right now, blogging, while I should be downstairs in my classroom preparing for my participants to show up to class. That's not going to happen, the blogging will.

When I was in California 2 weeks ago I picked up a book that I have to say has expressed exactly how I feel through most of it.

The very fact that I found it in the same bookstore that carries this book kind of amuses me:

Girl With A One Track Mind is a blog written by Abby Lee. She is amazing. She is a complete sex fiend and does not care what anybody thinks or says about that. I am inspired. Her book is her first year of blog posts put into book form.

I began reading the book in the airport and then on the plane home from california. It was a two leg flight and on the flight to the first destination there was a guy across the aisle who saw the book and apparently couldn't believe his eyes:

"Ok, Is that like a biography? An autobiography? Is it fiction? Non-Fiction? I'm just wondering."

"It's a blogger that has put her posts into a book, so....."

"Ok, but is it fiction? non-fiction? is it true?" (Obviously has no EFFING clue what a blog is)

"It's Non-Fiction."

"Oh, wow." (Gives me a creepy awkward smile)

About 10 minutes passes as he keeps glancing over at me and my book

I finally look up at him

"Ok, I just gotta ask, where do you get a book like that?"

"The book store." (has this guy never EVER seen the "sexuality" or "relationships" section of Barnes and Noble?)

"Oh, wow."

He continues to keep glancing at me in a slightly creepy way and then I finally just say:

"Did you want to borrow this? I mean go ahead. I have another book with me and you're more than welcome to read this till we land."

"Oh, no that's cool, I mean the last book I read was Tom Sawyer." (Obviously wants to look like a big shot sex god but cannot even accept a book about it to read from a woman he doesn't even know)

"Oh Honey, this is NOTHING like Tom Sawyer."

And that was the end of that.

I finished this book last night and was completely inspired and put at ease. In her first year of blogging she went through almost the exact situation I went through recently with this guy (which I still do not understand but will have to just let go). I still think about him and miss him sometimes. He's so great, and we had such an amazing connection it's hard to not think of him when something would make him laugh or start a great conversation. But I am trying to be fair to myself. I would find it very hard to keep talking to him a lot, and besides he's not calling me all the time anymore either....

In the meantime I have been on a few dates and I must say that although not all of them were amazing or anything there were a few that were pretty great. 3 dates with the same guy now although I don't think it's going anywhere serious and I'm ok with that. Having someone to spend time with and watch movies with and smooch on is nice. I haven't even had sex with him yet! AMAZING!!! We have discussed the fact that he is into a fair amount of kink and I'm willing to explore it so I think the next few dates could be very interesting and there could be spanking involved (me spanking him, not the other way around.)

I don't think I have much else to say except that I went out dancing on Saturday night with some friends (among whom I am the only single one) and had a BLAST. Stayed up way too late, talked about lots of sex and ended up getting randomly danced with by a really CUTE guy holding a beer. If I hadn't been surrounded by my "voice of reason" friend I would have hauled off and put my tongue in his mouth, but I'm not quite there yet with these people.

Give it time folks, Give it time.

I Are Addicted

2007-09-24T08:06:00.000-07:00

I've become so addicted to this song:

THE WAY I ARE (by Timbaland)

This is one of those songs that just make me want to go out to the dance club and get all sweaty.

HAWT.

Re-Magnetized: Part Deux

2007-09-21T13:46:00.000-07:00

Ok, here is the follow up to that post from last night.

*No, I was not exhausted FROM the guy I got picked up by. I re-read my post and realized I sounded like a huge ho.

*No, I wasn't trying to be cutesy and explain a tow truck adventure or anything, I really did get picked up by a guy on the freeway.

*Yes, while driving.

*No, he wasn't creepy or weird or like an axe murderer. Actually, very sweet and CUTE!

*Yes, I will give you the whole story below. (I just wanted to give the quick run down for those that think I ramble. Oh and by the way for those of you that think I ramble.....EFF OFF:)

I found out on Monday that I would be coming to California to teach a 2 day class, Thursday and Friday. Needless to say I was scrambling about trying to get everything taken care of. Canceling friday night plans, rescheduling appointment with specialist about my watery head on Thursday and booking travel arrangements for my trip. Where I am at in California is only about an hours drive away from my aunt and uncle (the ones that live in wine country) so I figured it would be a nice thing if I could go visit them, even if only for an evening.

After much deliberation I decided to take the smaller, more windy but more direct highway to get me there (and thank god I did). I was nearing the last quarter or so of my trip on said highway when (we shall call him "Freeway Dave") pulled up beside me. As is my usual routine I look to see who's next to me and he happens to be cute and smiling at me so I smile back. "Cute guy" I think. He keeps pulling up next to me, and waving and smiling and winking at me and I'm starting to blush of all the attention (but don't get me wrong, I'm LOVING IT). He motions to his left hand asking if I'm married, I show him my hand, I'm not. He smiles, a BIG smile. I search frantically for a pen to write my number on a piece of paper. Nothing, I had cleaned out my purse for travel. DAMNIT. I hold up my phone and shake it, he does the same. He wants my number, so I do the only thing I know to do.....I start telling him on my fingers. I start getting a little worried around the "9" because I need to take both hands off the wheel, but he seems to get all of them pretty good and I am waiting for that phone to ring. It doesn't. He pulls up next to me and motions for me to get over and I think to myself: "Either he's going to axe murder me, or something awesome is going to happen".

I'm still here, so you know he didn't axe murder me.

I pull over, and he comes to my window and says "Hi, I'm Dave, what's your name?"
"HST"
"Well HST, you are just SO cute! I want to make sure I have this number right?"
"Oh yeah just missing the last digit, it's zero. But way to get the rest of it, I'm impressed."
"I aim, to please. So where you headed?"
"To the Bay to meet my aunt and uncle for dinner, you?"
"To work, I work nights. Where are you from? With that area code, that's what? Modesto?"
"*laugh* nope, it's Eastern Washington.........the STATE."
"Oh, that's too bad, but perhaps you'll be down this way again soon?"
"Oh sure, I visit when I can and work here occasionally....so you should definitely call."
"I will make sure to do that, HST. Oh man, you are just SO CUTE! Have a great night"

And with that he got in his car and we both took off. He texted me a couple times asking when I was headed back to WA and if I had time to go out tonight before my flight. Unfortunately I have to drive an hour plus to get to the airport I flew into so it was a no go, but we talked for about an hour last night and he wished me a goodnight and agreed to call and wake me in the morning (the hotel radio alarm was kind of shifty to be honest). My phone rang this morning and he told me to have a great day and he'd hopefully talk to me later.

I have NO idea what will happen. More than likely: nothing. But what fun! What an adventure! Not to mention an INCREDIBLE ego boost exactly when I needed it...

Re-Magnetized

2007-09-20T23:26:00.000-07:00

I'm exhausted, I'll explain more tomorrow but apparently my male magnetism has increased, or it's the california air. I got picked up on the freeway tonight. No joke. More to come.

I probably think this song is about me

2007-09-18T07:27:00.001-07:00

Ok, I'm not going to fight it anymore. Have you ever taken a picture (or someone else took a picture) and for whatever reason (regardless of how you felt about yourself that day) it just turned out so FUCKING good that you had to keep looking at it, even though you felt horribly vain all day long?

Well if not, uh...I'm sad that you've never EVER taken a great picture. It happens like once in a lifetime, get to it! Start snapping!

Here's mine, I can't stop staring at it:

God I love myself too much......

Biology Sucks

2007-09-14T08:26:00.000-07:00

Although I realize it is necessary for reproduction and that whole "female hormones" business, I'm really starting to hate this thing:

Well Shit

2007-09-11T06:40:00.000-07:00

I just realized it's September 11th. That means that I can't listen to the radio at all today because they will be playing recordings from that day and it will make me bawl my eyes out. I don't need any more of that.

GODDAMNIT.

I could be a very rich woman by now.

2007-09-08T10:49:00.000-07:00

Remember this:

"I am very reluctant (i must admit) to share any more romantic experiences on my blog because it seems like they only end up getting all fuckered up. "

from this post?

Yeah I really should put money on these things, it could have probably funded my master's by now.

P.S. if anyone comments "there are other fish in the sea" or "you're looking too hard" or any other of that bullshit, well let's just say you'll have one less blogger friend. kthanx

And why are you asking me?!

2007-08-31T15:40:00.000-07:00

I got an email in my spam mailbox the other day that has this as the title:

"I just started having sex, and my boyfriend keeps popping out when we do it."

Uh.......Even if this was a legitimate email (which it is not). Why are you asking me?!
Granted, I am generally very educated and unabashed about sex but from a stranger? Like is there a database of names of people to go to if you have an embarassing sex question? I'm probably not the best person to ask for advice from anyway................I would have told her to find a boyfriend with a bigger dick.

This post will probably be confusing

2007-08-30T21:15:00.001-07:00

I'm posting to distract myself. I'm trying not to stare at my cell phone and will it to ring. I am very reluctant (i must admit) to share any more romantic experiences on my blog because it seems like they only end up getting all fuckered up.

I will just say this about that:
He is cool
He is funny
He is amazingly sweet
I can't wait to meet him
He can't wait to meet me (so he says)

Moving on.....

I got seen about my weird orgasm headache problem. I have a condition called 'pseudo tumor cerebri' (you can google it, it's fucking weird). The short answer is for some reason (nobody knows why) my brain is making too much cerebro-spinal fluid and not re-absorbing the extra (you know like a normal person is supposed to). All of the pressure is causing the headaches and some vision changes. I have to have a second, yes that's right, SECOND spinal tap to get an opening spinal pressure (so they can diagnose how bad and how aggresively to treat) because the first one went fine but they never hit fluid. So the second one will use radiology to be able to see exactly where they are going.

WOO.

In the meantime I get to take some drugs that are supposedly any day now going to cause me to tingle all over and taste metal in my food.

Double Woo.

Apparently although they don't know what causes it exactly, it generally presents in overweight young women. When you lose weight the condition usually goes away. So guess who'll be losing weight?

Well, I guess it's better than tasting metal and having orgasm headaches.

Deception is not hot

2007-08-18T18:56:00.000-07:00

Check out seconds 0:09-0:11.

There is a huge reason why people marriages/relationships/even friendships do not last a long time. People purposely deceive others and probably because they are too scared or ashamed or fully convinced that no one would love them the way they are. All that is BULL SHIT. Yes we live in a superficial society, but that's just what is pushed at us through the media. There are a lot of people out there that want a REAL person. We want to know the truth. We want to know who they really are. We want to love them for exactly the person they are and not for a person they aren't. I don't see a problem with using this product to get rid of lines if you feel more confident that way, great! But I think it's irresponsible for them to advertise it with the sheer purpose of deceiving your lover. I for one want someone to know and love me for the person I really am. My wrinkles, fat stomach, snorting laughter and all.

I'm so tired of this shit

2007-08-17T10:00:00.000-07:00

If I want to be a raging bitch to myself while waiting in line at the airport I think I have the right to do so.

Apparently the government says "HAPPY UP."

12:42 AM

2007-08-17T00:42:00.000-07:00

* I really should be in bed.

* I'm up this late because I just finished the most amazing conversation about theatre and spirituality with the actor that is staying with us while he's doing a show on this side of the state.

* I'm fairly sure he was high as he had just gotten back from "a walk" and his eyes were glazed.

* I don't care, cause the conversation rocked.

* Don't wear GIGANTIC polka dots and then tiny polka dots in one outfit, that's bad.

* It's worse if you are no bigger than a toothpick, tanned to the hide of an aligator and look like a man.

* I'm a real bitch in the mornings while walking to work.

* I saw a guy in the cold and flu aisle at Rite-Aid that I have seen exactly one time before in my building, I should have said hi, he's cute.

* But I was carrying 3 bags of candy for my class and didn't want him thinking I was a huge pig.

* Ok, so one bag was for my candy drawer, fuck off.

* I would normally go downstairs to bed and "wear myself out" but it could give me a stroke. (see 2 posts down)

* Do yourself a favor, go to YouTube and search for "coach hines", watch as many as humanly possible.

* No need to thank me.

*But here's a little awesome something to get you through the day:

Isn't it perfect?! I had to take a picture it was so perfect!

(it's the new bra I tell ya, the new bra)

Some days..........I'm tellin ya

2007-08-10T15:13:00.000-07:00

I feel like this:

You ever feel that way?

I want a boyfriend......IV

2007-08-08T21:07:00.001-07:00

I went to the doctor today because I keep getting spontaneous headaches following orgasm. You can all take a moment to giggle, or cry or say "WTF?!" or whatever you need to do...I'll wait.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Ok, moving on.

I have to get a 2 hour MRI and some kind of head test to make sure I don't have an aneurism in my head. In the meantime I can't have any sex. Not even with myself.

This is where my boyfriend would come over and bring me ice cream and say "oh honey, let's just cuddle, I love you and I want to make sure you are alright before we resume making love."

I choose him:

So Yummy.

HEY ASSHOLE

2007-08-02T21:55:00.000-07:00

Please note the washington law below:

Pedestrians must obey traffic signals - Pedestrians must obey traffic-control signals and traffic control devises unless otherwise directed by a traffic or police officer (RCW 46.61.050).

Stop acting like I'm the asshole when YOU started walking during MY green light.

In fact, here's another code for you to look at:

FUCK YOU. I know how to drive.

Thank you.

If this shit doesn't make you laugh, then your laugh button is busted

2007-08-01T06:55:00.000-07:00

What Happens When You Ask A Little Girl About Monsters - For more funny videos, click here

Don't drink in a hot tub, no seriously don't

2007-07-31T11:23:00.000-07:00

I made the cardinal error the other night. I drank in hot tub. I know you're not supposed to but who's thinking of that when they are half liquored up and getting into a hot tub?

I had a very busy weekend acting as the Maid of Honor for my best friend since the 8th grade. Things started on Friday morning with a dress fitting, followed by a bridal shower. Saturday brought the rehearsal, a final dress fitting and the rehearsal dinner. And the wedding was on Sunday so I had hair in the morning, then pictures and then the actual ceremony and reception.

I was already exhausted (and sober). Then I added alcohol and eventually a hot tub and whoa momma! (no but seriously my momma did have to take care of me because I was so hungover I was about to puking all day and felt dizzy when I stood up.)

The wedding was beautiful. I had a gorgeous dress and my hair ended up looking amazing. The bride was stunning and it couldn't have been a more delightful ceremony. Short and sweet. (literally it was very sweet because they had lovely things to say about each other) I got to see a lot of people I haven't seen in years and do a little flirting with a guy I went to high school with that was one of the groomsmen. By the way, just for the record, he got HOT. I have no idea when that happened but HOLY CRAP! That was fun. There was some minor hot tub gropage (until I had to excuse myself to go pray to the porcelain goddess.....super hot, I know)

All in all a great weeknd. Full, exhausting, but wonderful.

How was everyone else's?

An Update

2007-07-23T16:16:00.000-07:00

Whew........it's been awhile. I hope you all didn't miss me too much.

Well, I missed all of you, really.

That gorgeous dress I was so excited to wear to the wedding in So.Cal? Yeah, it didn't fit when it came. Yet another reason I get pissed that a majority of plus size women are shuffled to the internet to buy clothes. You never know if it's going to fit! I ended up getting an "it will do" dress at the last minute. I liked it okay, but I wasn't all too excited about it, so I kept the tags on and returned it when I got back. BOO-YAH.

Through a series of drama filled events (which are not even worth going into here) one of the bridesmaids did not show up. So I was the pinch hitter bridesmaid. Awesome. I got to be one of the first in the dinner buffet, so that was nice.

Speaking of weddings (which is all I will be speaking of for the next few months, gah) I hosted a bachelorette party this weekend. We had a BLAST. Me (maid of honor) and the bride went wine tasting in the afternoon and gnoshed on some goat cheese and olives. We had a nice dinner with a few other girls and then of course we had to deck her out in a "Future Mrs." tshirt and a bridal veil and make her do a list of dares on her back. All in all it was a fabulous night. The only downside was that one of the gentlman that we used for a party game (One of the girls rolled the dice and had to "do a shot with a nerdy guy") approached me later, asked me to dance and asked for my number. Because of a mixture of shock(regardless of whether you believe me or not, that never happens to me) and distraction (that night was about HER, not ME) I gave it to him even though I wasn't remotely interested. He then proceeded to follow me around all night (halfway to the bathroom) stare at me while I danced or walked around the bar with the bride, try to hold my hand and text message me twice and leave me a voicemail. All before he left the bar that night. I got myself a stalker, but the bride had fun and that's what it's about.*

Rewinding back to Thursday night...
I went on a "radio cruise". I realize many of you probably don't know what this is so I will tell you. A local radio station will sponsor a cruise on a nearby lake and the tickets are only around 8 bucks but you get a 3 hour ride around a GORGEOUS lake. You also have access to lots of booze. You have to buy your own but it seems like no big deal cause you only paid 8 bucks to get on the boat. Me and my friends got a little too drunk and I was the recipient of a life milestone on my drive home.
My friend puked in my car.
Somehow I had avoided this all through college but I believe it is some sort of rite of passage, and no matter when it has to happen, it will. Good times. Not really.

I think that's the end of Monday's post. I am in a wedding this Sunday so I'll probably have lots of embarassing things to report after that. Stay tuned.

*On a side note I did get the phone number of a guy I WAS interested in and he told me to call him sunday to perhaps go out to some comedy, and when I called him he never answered nor did he call me back. So..........that whole dating thing is still lame.

Weekend Update..................oh and a Fat Rant

2007-07-07T10:01:00.000-07:00

OR "They got ya by the balls, even when you don't have balls"

* I'm at work right now because I didn't come in yesterday. I was up the night before in the emergency room getting good drugs and flirting with a male nurse.

* I'm wearing a strapless dress for only the second time in my life. I bought it yesterday and it's just one of those fun, comfortable, flowy little summer dresses. So I wore it.

* I just spilled coffee on my new dress. We all saw that coming right?

* I have a grievance with Old Navy.
*WARNING FAT RANT*

I am attending a beach wedding next Saturday in Southern California. I should have planned ahead and bought a dress a long time ago, I didn't. I went shopping yesterday to try to find something comfortable, light and pretty that could be worn on a beach and then also inside for a reception. I had looked at Old Navy's website and seen quite a few dresses I really liked but like anything you get online it's nice to be able to get the real thing in hand and try it on or at the very least see how it feels and then it's always nice to be able to get it in person that much quicker. Old Navy has stopped carrying plus sizes. They only started carrying them like a year ago! There was nothing for me to even look at in the store. I asked one of the gals working there because I couldn't find the section and she told me that they don't usually carry maternity and plus sizes in the same store. Sure enough they do have a maternity section now. They did assure me though that they carry them online and I can return it to the store if I don't like it. Great, still doesn't help me to find one in the next few days, but thanks lady. My point is this: I'm sure Old Navy could afford to produce (or just stock) 2 less colors of the same damn tshirt and free up a couple feet for a plus size section! They used to have one and I am sure it's possible to have both maternity and plus size if you reduce (even slightly) the amount of average sizes. I find it just a tad insulting that Old Navy doesn't feel that the plus size person's money is worthy of actually making effort to carry clothes that fit them. They will only stock my size of clothes in their store if they have the extra room to do so. Well why not just put a table and a rack in the parking lot then?!

* I also have a grievance with Macy's and most other non-specialized plus size clothes retailers. I left Old Navy feeling crappy but decided to check out a couple other places to see what they had to offer. There are a few stores offering "Junior Plus" these days which is great for the teenagers (believe me I would have LOVED stylish clothes in HS) but Junior Plus is not the same as regular Women's Plus Size. None of them fit my rack. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to give up my rack for anything but seriously, could you put some more fabric there please? I went to Macy's out of desperation thinking they might have something neutral like a sundress or something of that nature that I could spice up with some accessories. Everything in that store in my size that is of the nature of a dress was either:

Black or Dark Brown
Had 3/4 length sleeves or a jacket to go with it
Ankle Length

Did I mention the wedding is ON A BEACH?! In SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA?! I do not understand the serious lack of appropriate summer attire for a plus size woman in this world. Do they have some sort of statistical evidence to support that fat women don't go outside in the summer? Or is it that they think we shouldn't? Or perhaps it's ok as long as cover up our fat arms and legs? Well I refuse to sweat to death just because some clothes store thinks i'm not worth a light colored sundress. I guess I'm shopping online from now on. And Macy's and Old Navy can eat it. *END FAT RANT*

*I did find a dress online by the way. I just had to order it rush shipping to have it before I leave. And I guess if I try it on and it doesn't fit I'm back to wearing something in my closet that I probably could have worn anyway but I like new shit. Here's what I got:

Things I learned on the drive back from my parent's today

2007-07-05T13:58:00.001-07:00

* My car can run at least 22 miles on the "E".

* This post makes it sound like I slept with him. I didn't just for the record , he's referring to me leaning against him during the movies we watched. Which is what made it all the more infuriating because he seemed genuinely interested in his affection, and in no way trying to score booty.

* I have a decent reason to believe I will be a better parent than my aunt and uncle.

* No matter how irritated I am at my jackass date from friday, it's NOTHING compared to Danny's story. Go ahead, email him and ask him. I'm sure he's more than happy to share ;-)

Somehow that makes it all better

2007-07-05T10:09:00.000-07:00

I love my family. Especially my sister. When she read my previous post about the "amazing date" that was apparently just a mistake because he got carried away she had this to send me in an email:

"Totally sucks about d*ckface-one-night-stand pants."

And you know what? That made me feel better than any of my 5 friends saying "I'm sorry, honey."

I don't even know what to say anymore

2007-07-03T19:02:00.000-07:00

I left a message on the voicemail of my date from last friday. I get this email in return:

I have to apologize, I really wasn't expecting things to go on like they did on friday. You're very cool though and I got drawn in. I can't really get into anything heavy with someone who lives that far away. But I'll definitely be giving you a ring if I ever head out there for a night out or something. I really am sorry about that, I really didn't want to come off like I wanted to start an actual relationship, but I'm kind of an idiot when I have a girl laying on me. Don't hate me!

I really should listen to the voices inside my head and just stay away from males altogether. Even when it's good, it's not really good.

And he smelled good too.

2007-07-01T14:08:00.000-07:00

I'm not going to say too much about this because I'm trying to not get too excited and jinx myself but:

I had an AMAZING date with a MAN on friday! WOO!!

A Discovery Dear Watson!

2007-06-29T11:19:00.000-07:00

I think I've finally realized what everyone has been trying to tell me for a while now. All of this angst I feel? All of this miscommunication? All of this "being strung along" that I'm feeling a good majority of the time?

That's called "DATING".

Please forgive me for being so slow. I CAN be taught it just takes a while.

I'm pretty sure that the reason I didn't realize this for so long was because I was so caught up in my past self and feeling like something about myself made me a victim to romantic pain more often. I'm pretty sure at this point I was pretty 'effing wrong. Those of you that are regular readers know that I am a fat woman. I am in no way an ugly woman, but yes I am a fat one. I really don't care anymore (most of my internal organs and joints probably do, but I don't). I have energy to spare, I have passion and creativity and beauty in all aspects of my life and I am HAPPY!

This is what I kept telling myself which was true down to about 75% of myself. The other 25% was still absorbed in my former self. I still felt I was too fat to get a man. Which is a ridiculous and detrimental thought. But when it sweeps over you even subconsciously it becomes all encompassing. I realize that this morphed itself into "I'm not classy enough to get a man" or "I'm not mature enough to get a man". For years I have felt like I was a "kid" sitting at the grown-ups table whenever a man was around. Hence, I have dated BOYS. Not MEN.

I WANT A MAN.

And I am NOT going to settle until I find one:) That probably means I am going to be single for a while. I'm pretty ok with that in the long run. The short term does get difficult when one wants to be taken out on a weekend or told she is wonderful or that someone loves her but I don't want that from some boy (regardless of his age) that I know is playing around because he doesn't know how to have a mature relationship. I put up with so much crap (and in turn get hurt over and over again by my own hand) because I am settling for boys.

HIM: Wants to have someone always available to call, email, IM, text message and sleep with if he chooses but is completely unwilling to be comitted to that person and also refuses to accept the consequences when he drops them and wants to pick them up again.

Security Boy: Couldn't tell the truth if you squeezed it out of him with a vice. Couldn't even tell me why he was breaking up with me.

However I feel it's worth saying here that I really should focus more on the MEN that I have met and have treated me well and for whatever reason couldn't continue our good times together.

Theology Guy: Absolutely a MAN. Not a boy. Asked me out for a drink, had a great time, felt me up and then made sure my trip to Napa was absolutely wonderful!

The Sax Player: A MAN. Was very honest about seeing someone when he moved away to grad school and we have remained friends throughout.

Current FWB: Informed me the other day that he had hooked up with some other friend of his at a party and then followed it with, "if you don't want me to tell you these things I won't I just thought I should be honest with you." YAH! Honesty, now there's a grown up concept...

So in any case I'm going to try to enjoy dating a little more from now on. It's an adventure, not a torturous exercise in futility. EVERY woman goes through something horrible in her dating life unless she gets married at 18 and lets face it....I was nowhere NEAR marriage at 18. I'm nowhere near marriage at 26!

Tell me this Ladies and Gentleman....Am I right? Am I full of crap? Is this normal dating bullshit? Have I come to the right conclusion? Show me what you got.

You Compl.....Infuriate me!

2007-06-25T23:09:00.000-07:00

I'm having a conversation with him right now on Instant Messenger. I finally just told him why i'm upset. I feel like his fallback girl and he basically ignored me for 6 months. He made excuses, tried to say "you didn't call either" and "that happens with all new relationships, people's friendships suffer." And when I brought up the fact that he didn't come see my play that he promised he'd come see 3 times he just told me how his car wasn't working and how he thought he could get it fixed but turns out he couldn't. NO I'm sorry. NO explanation as to why he didn't call and say "i know this is important to you but I can't make it". He just basically continued talking to me as if nothing happened and is now talking on and on about HIMSELF and HIS new apartment. I really wish I had the balls to tell him to go stick it up his ass. But the truth is that I'm just still terrified of him never wanting me again. I have such issues...

STOP SUING EVERYONE FOR CHRIST'S SAKES!

2007-06-25T12:48:00.000-07:00

This suit is RIDICULOUS. I want to slap this man across the face. I'd like to kick him in his pantsless balls. This man judges other people's cases. FIRE HIM. He no longer deserves to be a judge.

Thank you and good night.

I am SO old enough to know better

2007-06-19T07:21:00.000-07:00

Those little 5-hour energy bottles? Yeah they taste like SHIT. Just sayin.

I stayed up almost all night "talking"* with a friend of mine, hence the 5-hour energy. I am WAY too smart to still stay up all night knowing I have to teach class the next day. AND I have to work at the winery tonight....I am so screwed. (again)

I discovered something about a children's theatre group here in town. I put it this way to my friend and she seemed to agree heartily:
"CYT is like the spazzy step-half brother of the star of the show."
I came to this realization halfway into a melodrama (I use that term loosely) based on Charlie's Angels called "Harlie's Angels" with 70's and 80's pop songs. Yep, you read that right. I'm here for you my friend.
Yesterday was MY SISTER'S BIRTHDAY!! Go give her some good Happy Bday wishes!

Happy Birthday Toots! I LOVE YOU!

*Yeah, seeing as how I know who reads this blog I didn't want to just come out and say it but you know what I'm talking about you little dirty bird.

Blast from the Past

2007-06-13T18:13:00.000-07:00

I have had a breakthrough moment. I am completely, 100% over him.

You may be asking yourself "but wait, that post was back in January, we haven't heard anything about him in a very long time."

You'd be right. He got himself a girlfriend. After which he pretty much just stopped talking to me. Oh yes he did try to Instant Message me 2 times but I didn't respond either time (once because I was sleeping and had left my laptop on and once because I was seething with anger and I decided not to respond) I have been around and around over this in my mind and at one point thought to myself "well I shouldn't really be upset because it's not like we were dating, I mean we were just 'having some fun', right?"
Then I realized you don't just IGNORE your friends because you have a girlfriend. Sure he tried to IM me, and sure I didn't respond but he does happen to have my phone number. I also know he text messages because he used to text me about 10 times a day at one point! It's not like I was unreachable. I was just unreachable when it was convenient for HIM. When he wasn't spending time with his girlfriend.

Well I'm sorry, I am not here for your schedule.

Recently I was surfing about and saw that he had updated his blog and in it he talks about breaking up with his girlfriend. He also had a post about moving into a new place although he had to move out of his old place about 2 weeks before the new one was available. Once I read this I immediately knew I'd be hearing from him soon. I could just feel it. "Once he has that apartment, he's going to call me".

I SHOULD PUT MONEY ON THIS SHIT.

He moved into his apartment on Sunday and guess who IM's me today? I'll give you one damn guess.

And as always his conversation was mostly focused on himself.....

HIM: evenin'
ME: hi.
HIM: hey, a response! how've you been? (he's so amazed at a resonse, might I remind you that he has my phone number, not like i was unreachable)
ME: good, busy. you?
HIM: insanely busy. was more or less homeless for 2 weeks
ME: oh that's never good
HIM: well, it was worth it. I was waiting for the perfect apt. to come available
ME: very cool. the holy grail the perfect apt.
HIM: so it was worth it to couch surf for a while. prolly only "perfect" by my standards... most people wouldn't agree. but it's cheap, not scungy, and in the U. district. it's just miniscule
ME: not always bad
HIM: for me, right now, I think it's a really good thing. help me simplify.I have too much crap.
ME: most of us do.
HIM: better to live cheap, pare down, and save up. this place is $500 a month, all utils paid save cable
ME: awesome
HIM: and I'm one block off the ave, 3 blocks from work
ME: score
HIM: how're things going over there? how'd the play go? (The play might I add that I asked him to come see and he told me 2 times "of course I will be there." He wasn't.)
ME: i'm sorry i can't really chat now, i'm on a conference call I was just checking in to see if my boss was online.... (I realize I get a little bitchy here, it's not like I can't type and listen at the same time, i mean I'm doing it now but I just am so tired of this crap from him!)
HIM: oh, ok. talk at'cha later

I cannot tell you how much better I feel. Although I know at some point this is going to come to a head when he wants to see me and to be frank,I don't really think I want to see him. I'll deal with that when it happens but it feels so good to know that I am no longer emotionally pining and attached.

I refuse to be the fallback girl.

Is that Australian Dollars?!

2007-06-13T12:24:00.000-07:00

I really need to start exercising. That's just the facts. I really am not motivated towards any kind of exercise except water aerobics. I realize this is an old woman type sport, shut up I didn't ask you. I love being in the water and I always feel like I've had an awesome workout without any joint pain when I finish with a class. I tried looking up the classes at the YMCA and they are all in the middle of the afternoon?! HELLO?! I WORK during the day, that is so NOT convenient for me. So I checked out the good old "OZ Fitness" to see if maybe they just had some weekly classes I could take. I am not interested in going in and working out with all the super motivated treadmill addicts...I just wanna float ok? For a day pass it's 15 dollars. Water Aerobics is 2 days a week. Ok.......

"What if I just join and only go to the water aerobics classes?"
"Same cost as a regular membership"
"And how much is that"
"25 dollars a month......and a 130 dollar joining fee."
"oh, great thanks."

130 freakin dollars to join?! I can fully understand and accept that you have to pay for the regular membership fee even if all you want to use is the pool cause it's not like it's a la carte or anything but seriously. What could you possibly be doing to process my "paperwork" so I can "join" that costs 130 dollars?! I hate gyms.

My First Time

2007-06-08T10:44:00.000-07:00

As you become an "adult" you tend to grow out of having any sort of "firsts" that mean anything to you. Well I guess I should say you start growing out of "firsts" all together. I've been having a decent amount of "firsts" lately but they are not your typical kinds of firsts. They are only "firsts" in my own estimation and if you don't agree that they are worthy of noting, then you can fuck off. See? I'm nice. I like to provide options.

*2 nights ago I attended my first real organized wine tasting outside of my own workplace. One of the prominent restaurants in this town hosted a wine tasting of a local winery. A few of my coworkers from my winery were there and they brought some friends along. It was a BLAST. Oh and the wine was DELISH! I also attended another wine tasting last night at a little bistro here in town. The wine was not AS delish but I did end up buying a bottle of the Cabernet Franc. And flirted a little bit with the restaurant owner.

*I tried a flavor other than "_______mint" gum. I usually don't go for the crazy gum flavors I gotta be honest. It's usually "spearmint" or "bubblegum" and that's where I draw the line. Well the other day I branched out and tried "mint mojito" by Orbit. Uh HELLO?! DELICIOUS! So the most amazingly perfect combination of flavors in one gum! I am now addicted and I bought the 3-pack which probably says something about my problem.

*I bought a man a drink last night. I was out after the wine tasting having dinner with some gal pals and there was a very attractive gentleman at the bar with 2 friends and I could have sworn he kept looking over at our table. In the past I would have assumed I was crazy and there was absolutely no way he was looking at our table. He was probably looking past us to the door or something. Well I have been in therapy for a while now and these thoughts have changed, quite a bit. After my friend said "oh yeah I just saw him look over here twice" I figured I was not crazy and he was looking over here for some reason. Regardless of whether he was looking at me or the other three girls I decided it warranted some action. So I told our waiter to send him another of whatever he was drinking and put it on my tab. Yes! I have become bold! When the waiter pointed out who bought it he and his friends (in a completely NON SUBTLE way I might add) turned around to see who had purchased him a drink. I waved politely and smiled and figured I was done at that. NOPE. He came over to say hello and thank you. Turns out his name is Sean and he's a pharmacist. He was very nice and even more handsome when he smiled. He found it insanely intriguing that I work for a winery and I really should have used that to more of my advantage.

*I've decided that me working for a winery could get me more ass than I even imagined. I didn't realize the impact until last night. Here's to the future...

Pull up a chair Jackass...

2007-05-27T19:10:00.000-07:00

I got some shit to rant about:

~When someone looks like they are double parked *Except* their car is still on and they have their blinker going, it means they are trying to parallel park you ASSHOLE! Do not pull in nose first when they are obviously preparing to park there. It is not my fault that your sorry amateur ass did not find that space before me, nor is it my fault that you can't parallel park. How about you learn and stop taking other people's parking spaces you dick.

~Will someone please for the LOVE OF GOD tell me why my laptop through no apparent circumstances will just refuse to start up because it's "missing some file" when I haven't even started it since yesterday and all I did was take it to the starbucks? I really fail to see how moving the laptop from my home to starbucks would affect the software. WHAT THE FUCK!?

~Next time I say to you "oh yeah I'm really pumped to go camping, we're gonna have some burgers and drink a bunch of beers and I'm so excited, blah blah blah" please remind me of the fact that getting drunk in the woods is fun, but being hungover after 4 hours of sleep in a tent that is currently 400 degrees and you have to pee and you're on your period and the bathroom is like a quarter mile away in the house that your former college professor is sleeping in.....K thanks.

Single Non-Rant moment:

I DON'T HAVE TO GO TO WORK TOMORROW. Yes, Envy me.

Uh...Thank you? I think?

2007-05-20T09:52:00.000-07:00

I just got a really weird message on OkCupid.

"I would like to invite you to my bedroom. I am an expert at the art of oral stimulation. I have worked many years at perfecting my skills. I am not just bragging here. I can spend hours pleasing my partner before I ever think of myself. So if you'd like to have the orgasmic experience of your life, drop me a line or two and lets set it up. You will not regret it, so far I haven't had any complaints.

Alfredo "

I have to admit that it's at least a little flattering. I mean something about my profile made him think that he wanted to pull down my pants. I messaged him back and thanked him but told him I'd have to decline. He was very polite and said "No Problem, have a great day!".

Still it's nothing compared to this OkCupid message I got about a year ago:

Subject: You and I need to have a little: 'talk'.....

Young lady.

I hope you agree.

Your Masked Intruder

It wasn't even so much the message, as his profile when I went to look. CREEPY. Check it out, I dare ya.

Thank you, Drive through

2007-05-05T16:09:00.000-07:00

This morning on my way to do some make up for an independant film (woohoo!) I stopped by McDonald's for one of their new coffees and a sausage mcmuffin. The guy that gave me my food in the drive through smiled a big, long smile at me and he also looked a hell of a lot like Don Cheadle. I think Don Cheadle is VERY handsome. Happy A.M. to me!

It's No Work Friday!

2007-05-04T08:24:00.000-07:00

Today is friday.

I don't want to work today.

I am going to update my blog instead.

I'm sure that all of you have been waiting anxiously for my next nugget of wisdom to grace the web but you'll just have to be patient and read the whole thing. Buck Up Camper!

CSI Pissed me off last night.

*FAT ACCEPTANCE RANT WARNING*

Last night I was watching reruns of CSI on Spike TV like I am want to do and there was an episode where they found a guy dead in a hotel (not unusual for CSI in the least). As you get further into the episode though (the synopsis is here) you find that there is a BBW convention going on in the hotel and he died because a fat drunk woman passed out on top of him while having sex. She suffocated and crushed him. I will fully admit that I did not finish the episode because I was really disgusted and insulted and I left my house to go watch 300 (more to come on that later). I am not ignorant. I realize that more weight equals greater chance of crushing. I know how the math works. However, I am a very large woman. Larger in fact than the woman in this episode (yes I just realized that if any of you watch it you know how fat I am, I don't care, eat it) and I have had lots of sex where I was on top and didn't crush anyone. I also don't think I could crush someone until they died. I have asked partners before "am I crushing you? are you sure you can breathe?" which probably sounds hilarious to some of you but when you are a big person you think of things like this (and I've slept with some skinny little men). Every partner I've ever asked that of has said "no, you're just fine stop worrying". This leads me to believe that even if a woman my size were to pass out on a man he could at the very least push her off enough to breathe. No wonder fat people have such low self image; We are being told everyday by our favorite shows that if we deign to get a little drunk and want to have a sex life we'll kill our partner and forever hate ourselves. The only redeeming thing about this episode is that the guy that got crushed was apparently a total asshole in real life and would sleep with fat women but wouldn't even speak to them in the elevator. So, good riddance to him and all the men (and women) out there like him. Personally I found this episode insulting and degrading . I'm not saying any of you should feel that way, I am just venting. (it is MY blog afterall...)

*END FAT ACCEPTANCE RANT*

Now, 300.

I Loved this movie!

I realize this movie came out like almost 2 months ago but I just got around to seeing it. When I got all irritated last night I decided to go check out the movies and see if anything was playing that I wanted to see. I've been wanting to see 300 for a while now and I finally just bucked up and went to see it. The visuals in this film are stunning. The cinematography, the costuming, the artisitic desgin. All of it. Incredible. I especially enjoyed the use of music and slow motion photography to enhance certain portions of the film. I'm sure everyone out there but had already seen it so if I ruin some sort of plot point for you just email me, I'll apologize profusely. This movie makes me want to do some reasearch on the Spartan 300 and see what kind of historical base it has and how much was fabricated for the novel. This movie is also the 3rd in a series of movies that make me want to start reading graphic novels.

Oh lord, like I need more geek points...

IZ in yur blahgs plAyn Wt teh internetz

2007-05-02T13:42:00.000-07:00

I stumbled onto this website I Can Has Cheezburgers and I cannot stop laughing. Here's a sampling...

You're Welcome

I Suck

2007-04-13T12:57:00.000-07:00

But you know in that way that feels really good and stuff.

hmmm...Exactly one month since my last post. Whoooooooo. Im the sheeeeeeet.

No seriously, what have I been doing:

Working
Traveling for Work
Working
More Traveling for Work
Working my other job
Attempting to sleep a little bit

Most of this is excuses and as we all know excuses are like Assholes.........

Other than the fact that I have to go to the bathroom so bad I can taste it, I'm doing pretty damn good. I finally got my final step in the 7 year long dental quest taken care of and that feels better than you'd ever know. Part of me wants to link to a whole bunch of posts about my dental work and then have a huge exodus of feeling about it for all of you to hear but the truth is that I already went through all that. I had my little celebration and now it's just back to business as usual. Only without the retainer.

I got myself a Prosper loan to take care of consolidating a big bunch of my credit cards and at the rate I'm paying the loan they will be paid OFF (completely) in 3 years! WAHOO!!!! ( I can smell grad school in my future)

I started a Qi Gong(CHI-KUNG) class last week and so far it's way harder than I imagined but I love it. I think I'm wasting far too much Chi and I could be harnessing it for something productive. Don't think that shit is easy dude. Moving that slow for a Sagitarius is hard work!

Artist's rendition of me practicing Qi Gong (great artist liberties taken)

Happy Friday Beotches!

Public Service Announcement

2007-03-13T12:57:00.000-07:00

If you are issued a rental car that has all leather heated seats you may be tempted to drive to your destination with the heated seats on and the sun roof opened to experience the dichotomy of sensations. Please be aware that the heated seats will relax all of your muscles and around mile 25 of your 38 mile drive you may feel the intense urge to poop.

Knowledge is Power

I Want a Boyfriend...III

2007-03-09T08:48:00.000-08:00

Number 3 in a Series

I had to check out of a hotel this morning that I had been staying in for a week. The bill came to 761 dollars. I have 161 dollars in my account because our Cash Advance department can't get their shit together! I am so furious I could scream and rip something. and then eat it. If I had a boyfriend this is the place where he would tell me that everything would be ok. And he would meet me at the airport with flowers and a hug and say "those fuckers!" Even if he thought I was overreacting.

Which I'm Not.

I choose Him:

He's a sweet talking sugar coated...Candyman

2007-03-08T14:59:00.000-08:00

* I don't know what to say here that would be acceptable after my seriously huge absence from blogging. I realize I am that friend that never calls and never writes and then just shows up a month later and expects love and affection and doesn't know why you haven't called. I'm Sorry.

* I'm not really sorry, I've been very happy and busy and excited over the last couple of months and you should all just be happy for me damnit!.

* I've been directing a play! I haven't directed a full length, fully produced play since 2004 and I have to tell you it feels SO good. I miss the theatre even though I have had my hand in it for the last couple of years working with my community theatre. There is just something so incredible about directing and working with actors and just watching them find their characters and seeing them light up when they are having fun.

Most of them anyway.

I have a couple of them that are extremely neurotic and nervous and second guess my choices all the time and they have formed their little club and won't really let me in. Other than that, the show's going great! We have one more weekend left and then I actually get to go to sleep before 11 at night.

* I seem to have become addicted to Xtina's new song "candyman" it's like the dirtiest, naughtiest version of "boogey woogey bugle boy". Me Rikey.

* I'm intrigued by this website Prosper.com. It is private person to person lending. A unique approach and based on the buzz and the reviews it seems to be working well for folks. I'll let you know what I find out.

* I just finished watching CSI, Grissom better be ok GODDAMNIT, or I'm going to be pretty pissed off.

* I wouldn't mind getting smooched right now.

* 'Just sayin.

DIY

2007-03-01T08:08:00.000-08:00

Changing windshield wipers should not involve:

2 screw drivers
a cordless drill
a ratchet set
pliers

and

WD-40

Just Sayin.

Behave yourself......you're the TEACHER

2007-02-01T13:35:00.000-08:00

I can't stop looking at stuff on Found Magazine. I just got the giggles so bad from this one I had to leave the room.

Corporate Culture on the Skids

2007-02-01T12:49:00.000-08:00

I'm sure that most good business leaders would agree that it pays to help coach and cultivate your people. Not only does it benefit your business by having capable knowledgeable people but it also helps to grow your employee into a leader themselves and any good leader should want that for their employee. I just finished a 20 minute conversation with one of my participants taking a New Accounts class and I feel completely disheartened. He has been in training almost completely solid for the last MONTH. He started with our company about 2 months ago. He has had almost zero time to practice the skills he's had in each of his classes because the classes are back to back. He told me during this conversation that "just between you and me, when I ask a question I usually hear 'don't ask me again you already asked me twice'." This makes me very sad. The topper to this conversation was him informing me that he received an email from his manager saying "when you get back from training we need you to be ready to go, so make sure you're up to speed on everything".

How's that for coaching and cultivating your employees?

Thank you for saying yes

2007-01-31T09:21:00.000-08:00

This week on Postsecret someone submitted a secret about picking up notes they find on the ground and reading them. There was an email response to check out a website that deals only in found notes, pictures, and objects. Found Magazine is incredible. All of those things that you either pick up and read and then throw back down or you completely ignore are being picked up by other people and submitted for all to see. Go check it out. This is my favorite from today:

Hope for the future

2007-01-26T09:09:00.000-08:00

I was waiting on floor 2 for the elevator this morning and one of the four elevators opened up to an elderly gentleman that took one step out and realized that it wasn't the floor he was looking for. I got in the elevator and he turned to me and said with a smirk "oh, well you know I just stopped to pick you up, I figured I could brave the weather and you deserved it." He gave me a very kind smile and then we both exited on the 1st floor (he let me go first). Every so often I start to feel like chivalry is dead and there are zero nice men left in the world. Granted this was no man I was interested in, nor he in me but I felt hopeful that there are still nice men around somewhere.

Like Dilbert..............On Hormones

2007-01-24T18:11:00.000-08:00

I am so close to finishing my dental work that has taken upwards of 7 years to complete I can taste it. Literally, there is a metal post in my mouth, tastes like tin. I have a couple more appointments left and one of those is the "ok" from my oral surgeon to go ahead and attach my crowns. The only catch here is that my oral surgeon is 2 hours away in the town I lived in before I moved here. I have no problem with this but it means I have to take a vacation day to go see him. I emailed my manager to make sure that February 5th was hunky dory with her and she said yes. This was Friday. On Monday I get an email that is sent to me AND a manager in this region just "verifying" that February 5th was a good day to facilitate a test out exam for an employee. uh........hello? I email her back and gently remind her of the fact that "February 5th is the day that I am going to be gone to see my oral surgeon to get the ok for my crown, but I am available next on February 19th and I would be more than happy to do it then." So what does she do to reschedule this testing date?

She forwards my email to this manager! Now granted, I understand it's nothing terribly personal like "I'm going in for my yearly to get my vagina checked" but it is still personal information that was not meant for anyone else's eyes but my managers. But she just took it upon herself to forward it all over hell and back to (might I add) a manager that is NEW to this region and I haven't even met yet! Working for this woman is a serious test of my sanity and self restraint skills.

Everyday I get a little bit closer to expecting the pointy haired boss when I walk around the corner of my cubicle........

Punky Little Brewster

2007-01-11T21:13:00.000-08:00

I tried a little somethin', somethin new with jewelry and I'm curious as to y'all's opinion......

Whaddaya think?

Point gun at foot. Pull Trigger.

2007-01-08T22:03:00.000-08:00

I pretty much shot myself in the foot. Romantically speaking. In This Post I talk about This Guy and how he's actually been doing some nice things for me that are very unusual for him. Well we spent a bunch of time together around xmas and right before New Year's. We had discussed earlier last year how we were both ok with whatever our situation was (friends with "benefits") and that it would be just that. Sound good right?
Well, no.
Because I went ahead and got way too attached to him. Again.

I know that I should not even attempt to make it go anywhere, I shouldn't even have let it go where it did, but I've never been one with good self control and let's face it, I want what I want. Things slowly started turning from 'friends that have sex occasionally' to going out to meals, getting drinks and him going as the date for my Winery Christmas Party. (Which might I add he drove 4.5 hours to be at and then drove back home the same amount of time the next morning) He came over for a drunken midnight dance party and then the next night we went to see a concert together and then fell asleep with hardly a kiss or two. He bought me a LOVELY silk scarf (with shakespeare's sonnets on it!) for Christmas and made sure I called him when I opened it and had the roommie take pictures of my reaction when he couldn't be there to watch. I think I know deep down inside that his actions changing have more to do with him growing up and just being more considerate towards his friends than him wanting to date me. He doesn't want to be someone's boyfriend and probably not mine but I can't stop the feelings of something under the surface when he looks at me or when we lay in bed discussing things until 2 am. I feel *something* there but knowing my luck with men, it's probably just indigestion...

Emergency Room = Extreme Irritation

2007-01-03T20:58:00.000-08:00

I spent the night in the Emergency Room last night. No no, it's not what you think. I didn't stay there like sleep there; I sat next to my roommate last night at the ER. At about Midnight she woke up with the worst sore throat ever and she could barely swallow anything. I think she was dehydrated from a day of not being able to swallow even water and she was sort of delirious and scared. She had HUGE ass tonsils and gross crap all over them so off the the ER we went. It was the night to end all nights for emergencies. EVERYONE in eastern washington was in this ER I swear to god. The minute after we walked in we see a guy with a mask on (to keep something in or out I have no idea), a little girl holding her stomach and bawling and a woman in a wheelchair that the roomie thought was a dude. If that wasn't enough excitement this teenager came careening past us into the ER with a man that I assume was her dad holding a bowl that she's puking blood into. BLOOD. Another person's blood I saw last night.

Don't be jealous, really.

I took up my place in the little hospital chair next to her bed and waited while she writhed in pain, the doctors took their sweet ass time (I actually saw a nurse GOOGLE something at one point. GOOGLE?!) and people in the other "rooms" (separated by curtains) talked about "oh that's nasty shit, I had that shit once I couldn't piss for like a week!". The entertaining highlight of the evening was our nurse, Joe. He had good stories. My favorite was a little New Year's Eve tale about a hooker that was beat to hell by her pimp and went to the ER. He was flushing her IV with saline and said "ok, it may taste a little salty in your mouth when I do this" and she replies with "oh, I'm used to that, hell!".

Pure Eastern Washington Class.

The Blue Man Group, A Cluster Fuck, and One Working Nostril

2007-01-01T12:27:00.000-08:00

I can't think of many other things that make me as crazy as not being able to breathe out of my nose. As I write this I am sitting on the couch, just downed a huge glass of orange juice, with a kleenex sticking out of my nose.

I. Am. Hot.

For christmas I got a ticket to see The Blue Man Group.

I. Am. Excited!

For New Year's I volunteered to be an Emcee for the First Night celebration. When I arrived at my scheduled spot to Emcee it was nothing short of a complete cluster fuck. No one knew what was going on, let alone me. I faked it fairly decently until the last act showed up and they decided they wanted to introduce themselves. I checked out early, caught some food with the roomie and then we chilled out until the big 12:00 at a wine bar in town. had a great glass of Sauternes. YUM!

I. Am. Hip.

I feel like I have tons of things and nothing to write about all at the same time. So this is what you get today.

Happy New Year Bitches!!!

We're all 14 deep down inside

2006-12-19T13:58:00.000-08:00

You know that feeling you had when you were a kid and you didn't want to invite someone along somewhere? Not because they were mean or smelly but just because t hey seemed "odd"?

Well, I'm here to tell you that never goes away. I'm a full grown 'adult' and I experienced it just today. We're all trying to figure out where to go for our last little holiday lunch before we're all on vacation for the holiday and we happen to have a few new extraneous employees that have moved into our offices. We ended up inviting the new wire transfer girl but sort of agreed that the float teller that is in and out of the office shouldn't be invited because "well you never know when she'll be in" and "she probably won't even be here thursday, she'll probably be at a branch" and "she does seem a little unusual doesn't she?". I don't quite know how I feel about this. We didn't even HAVE to invite the new wire transfer girl but she seems nice and we like her already. I just think life is difficult for odd people. I always thought of myself as a weird person but I don't think I'm socially odd, I'm just fucking weird. There's a big difference I have discovered.

Huh.

P.S. Does anyone know what happened to Frankie? Everytime I go to her blog (I would link here but trust me you don't want to click) I get some crazy spam site.

PSA's are for pansies

2006-12-16T19:05:00.000-08:00

The only kind of clumsy ass you want to be is a personable one.

Take my word for it.

The best part of being a personable clumsy ass that everyone loves is that no matter how messed up your stories are, people always see them as charming instead of tragic. You know those people that you see on jerry springer? The ones that have husbands that are sleeping with their moms? The ones that had some tragic accident where they lost the ability to walk right after they learned they had colon cancer? Those people are tragic. Breaking your toe in a bikini waxing incident? That’s funny. Thank god I’m a personable clumsy ass because otherwise I’d be headed straight for montel.

Public Service Announcement:

During a bikini wax your legs may fall asleep. Don’t underestimate a complete loss of feeling in your leg, a broken toe may result.

What have I been doing besides my waxing injury activities? Good question, really. I know that I’ve been MIA lately and that you’ve missed me and all but I promise I’ve been around. I’ve been reading blogs here and there, I just haven’t felt like I had the time or anything to say so today is when it’s all coming out I guess.

I’ve almost lost my voice again. Remember this post? Yeah, my body likes to revolt by making me sound like Dinah the Christmas whore whenever I get sick. Where’s the humanity I ask you? I don’t even feel bad. That’s the really crappy part. I feel fine for the most part (except the broken toe) I just sound like death warmed over.

Christmas time is awesome. I love this time of the year. Even though I generally detest snow, I put up with it because I like all of the holiday music, decorations, yummy food and eggnog lattes. I am gearing up for spending almost 2 weeks away from work, a good portion of those days with my family and friends back home. I am pumped. More recently I’m getting pumped up for the winery’s holiday party. Believe it or not I actually got THIS GUY to commit to being my date. This is not the first unusual thing he has done lately. 2 weeks ago he drove 2.5 hours to see me while I was on travel for work. Hmmmm very interesting I say.

I know you all have things you should be doing but won’t do even when you leave my blog because the internet is a black hole that sucks you in but I will leave you with this little tidbit:

I am 33 dollars richer today, thanks to a rousing evening of Bunko.

THANK YOU BUNKO!

Please store your hoover in the overhead compartment

2006-12-04T09:16:00.000-08:00

I flew back to Oregon last night. Normally I don't mind at all because it's only a 57 minute flight or something. Last night however I was not so impressed. I was seated comfortably in seat 6A. I got the whole (2 seats) row to myself. I took a little nap on take-off, I drank some juice, had some bbq potatoe chips and when I was abou to open up my book and begin to read I caught a little movement out of the corner of my eye...

The couple sitting in seats 2C and 2D were going at it like rabbits. I don't mean a little smooch whilst at 30,000 feet. I mean tongues entangled, faces mashed, "arethosetwoheadsorjustaoneheadedperson?" kind of action. I nearly puked. Please don't misunderstand me. I don't hate couples. I don't hate kissing in public. I don't even hate an occasional tap on the ass (not a grab, a tap). What I do dislike is being stuck in a tin can while a couple is trading slobber and probably infecting the air with mono. Just, EW DUDE.

Birthday Booyah!

2006-11-28T09:32:00.000-08:00

Ok, so I realized that in my crazy travel-rant-snowfall action I completely forgot (or got toobusy) to blog about my birthday! Now last year at my birthday I was turning a quarter of a century old! MY GOD MAN!! Well this year I am one year older than that and I have to tell you that I am in no way anxious about that. I was actually really excited for my birthday this year. I got to have my favorite food (STUFFING AND PUMPKIN PIE!) on the day before my birthday and got lots of fabulous presents including:

*3 miniature Shakespeare books from ENGLAND!

*Lots of Lavendar girly bodywash stuff, YUM!

*A total of 3 Gnomes!!

*A framed Shakespeare stamp!

*The POST SECRET book!

On my actual birthday I went out for breakfast with my 'rents and then had a Starbucks and did some shopping with my mommy. It is our new custom that when I am home we get a 'bucks and then jaunt over to the BigLots! that is 2 stores down from the Starbucks. I LOVE this new tradition. And what better day to do it than my birthday?! Later that day I decided I wanted to treat myself to some wine tasting (because I'm a big wino now) and so I discovered a winery in my hometown I didn't even know existed. Tagaris winery is a fabulous tasting room with great wines and a restaurant attached. I ended up sitting next to an orthopedic surgeon that was in town just for the weekend to cover the emergency room who was from Seattle. We had a nice little chat for an hour or so and then I gave him my number and told him if he wanted someone to show him around I would be happy to. Apparently I'm getting all kinds of bold in my old age. I ended up buying myself 2 bottles of wine as a self birthday present. WOO.

After a couple margaritas and some birthday karaoke with my best friend from HS I was back in my childhood bed sleeping soundly. The birthday celebration continued the next day with breakfast with a childhood friend and Martini's that night at a new bistro and martini bar. I found out they have a "Martini card" like a coffee card? So If I try all 24 of their martini's (not all at once!) then I get a free gift. SCORE!!!

So all and all, my birthday was a success:)

Now back to your regularly scheduled program.

Highlights and Lowlights: Musings from one trip to Oregon

2006-11-27T15:25:00.000-08:00

I'm in Salem again children.
I flew here on Sunday, that's right, the sunday after Thanksgiving and let me tell you it was an adventure filled trip.

Because of my MVP status on Alaska Airlines I was given a free "upgrade" on my first leg of the flight. A little 50 minute action from Spokane to Seattle. SCORE! I'm in first class. Totally rockin'. First things first; First class has BOMB seats. So large, so comfortable, SO MUCH ROOM! You also get your own little dedicated flight attendant in first class. "Would you like more cream in your coffee?"............Why yes I would thank you! You also get...............Muffins. Instead of those little tiny biscotti, you get a muffin. AND yogurt. Actual breakfast in first class folks!

UNFORTUNATELY, due to some really crappy weather on the way to Seattle the plane was so bumpy that halfway through the snack service they had to come around and take all the service stuff and put it away. I never got my muffin.

Mother Nature owes me a damn muffin.

I digress........................

On my second flight I found out that I had the exit row (SCORE!) on one of these tiny little Horizon puddle jumper planes. When I got to my seat I remembered how goddamned small these planes are. Whereas the seatbelt on the first (much larger) plane fit me just fine, the seatbelt on "el tin can" was roughly 2 inches short of closing. Great. I happen to know from reading the online disclosures in the past that you cannot sit in an exit row if you require a seatbelt extender. Usually I bring my own (please note, Horizon is the ONLY airline I have this problem with and have a personal one for this very reason) but I was in a hurry yesterday and at the airport at 6 am, so I kind of forgot. So I had to inform the flight attendant that I thought I would need an extender and I realize that I cannot have one in the exit row and I might need to switch seats. So, after a big hoo-hah about switching with a gal, after waiting to see if the flight was full, we were underway. This irritated me a little, nay, a lot.

**Warning, fat discrimination rant, if you hate that crap, skip ahead**

Um.......What you're telling me is that I can sit in the exit row on any other plane in this country but because your seatbelts are slightly smaller than other airlines and it is maybe 2 inches shy of latching, I can't sit in your exit row? I have flown without seatbelt problems on the following airlines:
Southwest
United
Delta
Alaska
British Airways

That's a pretty large variety of planes. I have flown in the exit row on 2 of those airlines with on problems whatsoever. So what Horizon is telling me is that not only do they not want fatties to sit in exit rows but they also have a more stringent policy per their seatbelt on what they consider "too fat". Excuse me?! Since when does my stomach flab have anything to do with my willingness and ability to help people off a crashed plane?! Have you ever seen some of the tiny little freaks that sit in exit rows? (You probably haven't. I just fly a lot and I'm obviously sensitive to that) There are men that weigh one quarter of what I do that sit in those exit rows. Now I'm not trying to say that they are not capable of doing the job. I AM saying that I am JUST as capable. I would never judge their short little arms not to help me out of a burning can full of fuel. I would just like the same courtesy. My arm and let muscles are not affected adversely by being overweight. If anything I have STRONGER legs because I'm hauling my fat ass around! I happen to know I can lift a 50 pound door and throw it out of the door hole. I have lifted many things OVER 50 pounds before, and given all the adrenaline at that moment, I could probably lift the whole damn plane! (it would hurt a lot later, but that's not the point!) And I'm pretty damn sure that my ability to think straight in an emergency is in NO way encumbered by my plus size pants. I think we should come up with new criteria for sitting in an exit row. We need answers to questions that we cannot tell by looking at you.

1. Are you physically able to lift a 50 pound door and throw it out of the hole in an emergency? Or are you one to talk a big game and pretend like you can and then crumble under the weight of the door and endanger all of our lives ?

Circle One Y N

2. Are you willing to help others in an emergency situation by directing them to the appropriate safe place? Or are you too selfish and want to save your $5000 boob job or hair plugs?

Circle One Y N

3. Can you keep calm in an emergency situation and direct others safely in tasks? Or are you a total drama whore and will end up crying in the corner freaking out until someone slaps you?

Circle One Y N

If you can answer all of these questions with a Yes then you are allowed to sit in an exit row.

**End fat discrimination rant, continue with your regularly scheduled program**

When I got to Oregon I quickly got my rental car and went on my merry way. Stopping OF COURSE at the outlet mall and buying myself a LOVELY pair of cream colored slacks. I decided to wear them today. It's snowing like a banshee........I'm so worried about getting the bottoms of them dirty that I'm not leaving my training site until I have to and I'm walking around like a jackass holding my pants up. Classy.

Oh and a big FU-ANKS to the jackass that cut me off on the freeway while it was raining cats and dogs. I almost ran into a semi-truck. Good times.

I want to end this on a good note, because it's starting to sound pretty shitty and the truth is that today is a good day. Wanna know why? I am staying at a wonderful hotel where they take GOOD care of me.

I am having a Filthy* Martini tonight. Preferably by a hot-ass bartender........BOOYAH!

*Like a Dirty Martini only more olive juice

A Hiatus in Pictures

2006-11-21T19:03:00.000-08:00

While I was on hiatus** I did several things. One of which was to get my eyes checked. There are several reasons one might get their eyes checked:

*Can't read your emails

*Can't read the dry erase board at the back of the room

*Can't tell the guys you're checking out are total goats; Literally

*Can't tell you just ran over that woman with a walker

*Can't admit to making a terrible football call and you happen to be a ref

None of these are the reason I went though.

I went because I cannot remember the last time I had my eyes checked and I have insurance and it's important to know you have healthy eyes and why not?!

My eyes are fine. But I have to tell you it was the first time I'd ever had them dialated and holy crap that is fun and horribly irritating at the same time. I felt like a vampire because my pupils were so big and my eyes are such a dark brown anyway that you couldn't even really see the brown ring:

I VANT TO SUCK YOUR BLOOD!

The last two weekends people watched me play. I got to be on stage acting for the first time in almost 3 years. It was awesome. It was thrilling. It was slightly terrifying. I have been directing or doing make-up for shows for so long that I almost forgot what it was like to create a character. Getting to "know" a character probably seems like hippy crap for a good population of the world, but for theatre people it just seems normal. When you "wear" a character or "put them on" for long enough you really start to get to know them. What they would say to certain questions or do in certain situations. It's one of the reasons I love theatre so much. After all was said and done and we had put the costumes away in storage for use in a future production and we had shut down the lights to the stage holding the world we had lived in for 8 weeks, we had a party. I'm not going to even attempt an explanation:

While I was clearing my camera of pictures I found some random old pictures that I hadn't cleared yet. Here's a picture from my halloween costume. I went with "Jack the ripper victim". I cropped out my face cause I'm making a spazzy face (see above) and I really only wanted you to see the corset and how it made my body look GOOD.

Observe.

Please ignore the coffee pot. My friend went as a zombie truckstop waitress.

Oh and I found this picture that I have no idea why I took. Seriously I wracked my brain and I cannot for the life of me remember. That's not the point. The point is:

I'm a badass.

**Hiatus from blogging, not from anything else. I've actually been damn busy!

One year's worth of posting....and I'm drunk.

2006-11-19T19:42:00.000-08:00

I'm fairly decently buzzed on champagne from the winery I work at. After a hard shift a coworker and I decided we deserved some bubbly. We drank the whole bottle. Score! I just realize while I'm typing this that yesterday was the one year anniversary of my first ever blog post on this blog. ROCKIN! I'm way too lazy and buzzed to link to it. Suck it up and deal.

I know this picture screams for a sexual innuendo but seriously people, I'm exhausted, come up with one on your own.

P.S. Does anyone know the website of the drunken blog? Where you can blog things while drunk and they post it? I found it once while sober and now I have no clue, and I'm screwed.

Chivalry is not quite dead....but he's gasping for air with an abdominal wound

2006-11-15T09:18:00.000-08:00

Since when did "Holding open a door for a woman" become "Punching the disabled button and walking through leering at the woman waiting to enter it"?

Just Askin.

Where did you go? I missed you so

2006-11-15T06:47:00.000-08:00

No excuses for my absence. Here's what I've been doing while I've been ignoring all of you:

Finished working on a haunted house. Chainsaws are fucking heavy.

Started work on a play.

Work. Work. Work. Work. Buncha bullshit at work. Work.

Had to go to a funeral of a family friend.

Got my front wheel stuck in the window well of my bedroom. Classy.

Began and continue flirtation with man in play that plays my stage husband.

Got asked last minute to sing in said play.

Worked at the winery during the case sale and almost killed jerky people.

Shared a half a bottle of wine backstage with my fellow actor that night. (AFTER I WAS DONE ACTING OF COURSE!)

Somewhere in there I got kissed on the shoulder by my stage husband.

Spent a while speculating if that is romantic or just actors being touchy feely.

Settle on affectionate in combination with other interesting interactions.

Got written up at work. (but you probably already know that)

Am being babysat while teaching this week.

That's about all of it. I know it seems like it should be so much more since I haven't posted in a millenium. Rehearsals take up a lot of time and even though I'm only on stage for one scene, the rehearsal space has no wireless internet. So there was no posting at rehearsal, unfortunately. I have to cut this short but I will add this little tidbit that I neglected to post yesterday:

YESTERDAY WAS MY MOTHER'S BIRTHDAY!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!

Go send her happy birthday wishes. She's in England right now but she'll get them upon her return. SWEET!

Is it really a "Personal" appointment

2006-11-07T15:32:00.000-08:00

...if my manager makes me tell her ahead of time why I'll be gone?

Just Askin.

I want a boyfriend........II

2006-11-06T16:21:00.000-08:00

Number 2 in a series.

Today I got a "verbal notice of concern" at work. These are the days that I want a boyfriend that will listen to me bitch and cry and then tell me it doesn't matter because I am gorgeous and funny and professional and the fact that the other poeple involved are not, is not my problem.

I choose him:

It's all about P-O-P-U-L-A-R

2006-10-31T12:54:00.000-08:00

Over the last few weeks I noticed that my site meter showed a fairly extreme increase in visits to my blog.

"SCORE!" I thought. "I am so becoming popular. Everyone wants to read my blog. Even though I don't post nearly as much as I used to, people are really enjoying the quality of my posts and checking back for more. I am SO awesome."

Then I looked at my site meter today and noticed something alarming...

Out of 43 visits today (rock!),

34 of them are links to This Post.

80% of people found my blog today because they were searching for this picture from the movie Poltergeist.

And then I realized:

WELL DUH IDIOT! IT'S FRIGGEN HALLOWEEN!

So much for POPULAR. *Sigh*

I heard they got pinned

2006-10-25T17:01:00.000-07:00

What happened to dates anyway?!

My roommate and I made a disgusting discovery last night. Nobody around here goes on "dates". We're not sure if it's the fact that we live in the backwoods of Eastern Washington or because we don't live in a big enough metropolitan area or if we've just hit an age where that doesn't happen anymore or what, but nobody dates anymore. One of the wonderful things about being single is that you don't have to tell anyone where you're going (unless your roommate is a worrier and then it's polite to let her know you won't be home that night) and you can go out with anyone you want. You can kiss anyone you want. You could even sleep with anyone you want (not that any of you do that......well, maybe you partygirl ;-). The problem with being single (at least here in EWA) is that no one asks people out for "dates" anymore. It's as if people are just friends and then "hook up" or they have to be absolutely sure you are someone they want something serious with before they will ask you out. It's just a date people!!
With the exception of drinks with Theology Guy I cannot tell you another time that I was just asked on a "date". What do I mean by "date"? Well, someone asks you out and they take you out for dinner or drinks or a movie and there is some sort of closing action to the date. A hug, a kiss, a walk through the park, etc. No assumed commitment, no weirdness involved. Just Fun.

I like being single. I like going on dates.
Would I like being in a relationship? Sure. If it was the right person. Until then, I'm happy being single and going out with anyone I want. This puts me in an awkward position though. When a 20-something year old single person says things like "You know, I'd sure like to have someone in my life that I could go out with." most people respond by saying things like: "Oh trust me, enjoy being single. Once you're married it's a whole different ball game."

What makes you think that I want to get married?

I don't. Well not right now. I'm much too selfish to get married right now. There are way too many things I want to do and be un-tied down to do them.
I WOULD however like to go on "DATES"! Why does the correlation between going on "dates" and getting married always seem to crop up?! "Enjoying being single" is exactly what I want to do! But there are no "dates"! The fact remains that nobody goes on "dates" anymore and it makes me sad.

I am an attractive, intelligent, talented, humorous, caring, funny, fashionable woman. I want to go on "dates". I see a lack of men that are willing to take me on them. Moreover I see a lack of men willing to take lots of other A,I,T,H,C,F,F women on dates. This is not right.

What the hell happened to "Dates"?

But is that really considered stalking?

2006-10-24T09:51:00.000-07:00

My Elevator Hottie and I shared some silence today while waiting in line at the coffee shop and again waiting for the elevator. I think I might have heard someone say his name but I couldn't quite be sure and I don't want to take the chance of using it and it being wrong. So I will continue sharing silence with him until he either offers his name and introduces himself or asks for my hand in marriage.

I did note he works on the 7th floor though........now to find out his office number.

B is for Booze, C is for Cali

2006-10-20T21:55:00.000-07:00

While watching my roomie pour a glass of wine I was reminded of something I discovered on my California vacation that shocked, stunned and amazed me.

I know what you're saying to yourself. "Big deal HST, so it's a shelf full of booze, what's your point? Look below and please note the shelf label:

SAFEWAY!! You can get liquor at Safeway* in California people! I'm sure that for those of you that live in California or California-like states this is no big deal, but let me assure you that here in good old Washington state we don't have willy nilly access to booze in grocery stores. We have state liquor stores.

That close at 9 pm.

California is looking better all the time people....

*for those of you in places with no Safeway's, it's a grocery store like Kroger,the A&P , Piggly Wiggly,or Albertson's.

BOO!

2006-10-18T20:50:00.000-07:00

Ok folks, I need your help.

I actually have a halloween party to go to this year and I intend on having a good costume. There was a time (college) when I actually came up with some great costumes. Unfortunately the last couple years it's all really gone downhill and I can never think of anything clever or I don't have something worth being creative for. I am enlisting all of you, my blogger friends, to help me come up with a costume for this year's shindig. To give you an idea of prior costumes, here's a run down of a few from the past:

Punky Brewster

JeM

Dorothy

Medusa

I have been to several non-halloween costume parties as well and have been everything from my friend Miranda to Karen from Will and Grace. I'm really open to anything. You all know what I look like so I'm open to random ideas that I fit based on how I look. You get bonus points though if you can involve the corset I just bought and I'm dying to wear:

(No that's not me wearing it, duh)

Tell me what you got!

My bladder feels like a swimming pool

2006-10-18T11:19:00.000-07:00

Anyone out there ever had a kidney infection? Well if you have, then pipe up because I can join your club now.

Unfortunately given the fact that you all see tiny snippets of my life that I deem important enough to record; you see all the times I'm sick (and stuck at home) and not the majority of the days that I'm perfectly healthy and jumping around with enough energy for 5 ADHD kids.

Yes, I have a kidney infection. Let me tell you something: This is a total BITCH. I normally try to keep positive but let me tell you, a kidney infection does not have the symptoms you'd think it would like sore kidneys and a fever.

No No.

I woke up Tuesday with a monster vice headache, 100 degree temperature, sore throat with HUGE tonsils, a maximum of NO energy and oh yeah did I mention I was peeing like EVERY HOUR!? I pretty much thought it was the end and I was really about to die.(ok, maybe that's an exxageration, but I felt pretty bad) I had to rest for around 2 hours before I even had the energy to call the dr. to make an appointment. THAT"S BAD PEOPLE! I'll save you all the dr.'s office story but let me just say that they took some fluids and some of them involved needles. GRRR! I hate needles.

The Good News:
I have antibiotics and I'm already feeling like 50% better.

The Bad News:
One of the first things you have to do with a kidney infection is stay hydrated. So I'm still peeing every hour, but now it's cause I'm drinking gallons of water. ROCKIN.

Aunt Jemima's gonna pee her pants

2006-10-15T15:32:00.000-07:00

My roommate and I at Starbucks early (much too early) this morning:

My Roommate: They have a new Maple Machiato. Does that even sound good to you?

Me: no, actually it sounds gross. And a Maple something Muffin. Ew, that sounds nasty too.

My Roommate: Actually that sounds good to me.

Me: Well yeah I know, I'm just not really a fan of the maple I guess.

My Roommate: Good. Cause I ate all your syrup.

Pop the Cork

2006-10-11T23:14:00.000-07:00

Have you ever had one of those vacations where you didn't want to go back home but it wasn't because you had to go back to work; it was because you could honestly see yourself just staying where you were and living the life you'd been dabbling in for the last few days? Well...I'll just say I'm lucky my dad taught me responsibility as a child because there was a few moments last weekend that I honestly thought about not getting on a plane home and just starting a brand new life in the San Francisco Bay area.

But I didn't. I came home to Eastern Washington like a good girl and resumed my normal life which has at the moment led me on a business trip to Vancouver, Wa. I'm using my unclaimed hotel time to get all this down for the sheer entertainment value to all of you.

Friday I flew down to Oakland, California and was picked up by the Theology Guy at the airport. He cleared his whole Friday schedule for me and I must say I felt like a very happy girl. (let's face it. He's a hip, hip dude in a hip, hip city. Clearing his schedule meant he probably couldn't attend like 3 different hippie rallies or something. I was honored!) Friday night was a walk in a nearby suburb (that my Aunt and Uncle live in, where I was staying), Dinner at the California Pizza Kitchen (I um, LOVE that place now) and seeing "Little Miss Sunshine" at the late show. GO SEE IT. I laughed so hard I almost peed... Then again, I laughed pretty hard all night. What can I say, the dude makes me laugh. What made me laugh most about the entire evening however was this little exchange:

Theology Guy and I are sitting down to dinner and~

Tony the Waiter: Hey, I don't even know you two yet, but I've already got a question for you. How are you guys doing tonight?

Theology Guy: Uh, doing good

Me: Um, great. I'm great thanks.

Tony: Awesome, take your time I'll be right back with water.

Theology Guy and I share a look.

Me: Did he really just say that outloud?

TG: That was the best line ever, I'm using that someday.

blah blah blah some time passes, we are drinking wine because we are winos (see further down in story) Tony approaches the table next to us with a pizza.

Tony: Alright, I brought the Yummy!

Me: Did you just hear that?!

Theology Guy: no, what?

Me: That waiter just said he "brought the yummy" to that table. What the hell does that mean?

Theology Guy: Yeah I hope he brings us the yummy soon.

Me: Just so you know TG, I always bring the yummy. I AM the yummy.

I'm not gonna bore you with the rest of this ridiculous waiter commentary but suffice it to say that the Theology Guy and I had a great laugh at the antics of Tony the Waiter. Thanks Tony. You're GRRRRRRRRRRRREAT!
Friday night the Theology Guy dropped me off at "Chez Relatives" and I planted a kiss on him but made it quick because I was extremely nervous. (it all ends up good I promise. read on)

Saturday:

I pretty much did a whole lot of nothing. It was PERFECT. Vacation is not always about lots of things going on every minute. Sometimes vacation is about being lazy and just being somewhere other than home. My cousin and I went for a coffee and bagel outing and then I spent the rest of the day chatting with my uncle while he gardened. PERFECT.

Sunday:

We all piled in the car around 10 am to head to Napa for wine tasting. Scenery, wine tasting and a 6 year old. GOOD TIMES. Truthfully though, Napa Valley is GORGEOUS. We ended up hitting 5 wineries in all even though we only tasted at 4 of them

Artesa had the most incredible views I've ever seen:

Domaine Chandon makes one DELICIOUS champagne. They also have a very unique entry way:

Sequoia Grove made a great cabernet and was a fun little rustic atmosphere:

(The faces were hidden to protect the Non-Bloggers.)

Niebaum Coppola charges 25 dollars to get onto the grounds so I have no pictures to show you. SORRY CHARLIE.

Cosentino had the winner of the day. I bought a bottle of their zinfandel but I'm not a freak enough to have taken a picture so you'll just have to imagine it.

We had a lovely dinner at a fantastic Napa Valley bistro and then took wine soaked naps all the way home. It was a LOVELY day. That night I was fortunate enough to meet up with a college friend in San Francisco for some sushi. The Theology Guy offered to drive me and I took him up on his generous offer. I took advantage of our ride into the city to clear my own mind about the friday night kiss. I (very bravely in my opinion) asked if it was perhaps innapropriate that I kissed him. I didn't want to be that girl that kisses a guy that has since started dating someone you know?

Well....

As it turns out he was being a gentleman. He didn't want to assume anything seeing as how I was only in town for the weekend and considering that I live in Washington and he in California. He didn't know if I was seeing anyone or if perhaps that was assuming a lot.
I informed him that I was not seeing anyone and he assured me he was also not seeing anyone and that it was not innapropriate and was totally fine.

Because I am not COMPLETELY the loudmouth that everyone expects of me I shall leave you with this. When he dropped me off we shared a VERY VERY nice kiss (and perhaps some hand wandering...) and I was sort of sad to get out of the car. I suppose that whenever I get back to the Bay Area someday and if we are both single, I won't hesitate to plant one on him again;)

Oh. This picture has nothing to do with my vacation. I found it on my camera when I was taking off pictures and I just think I look coy and fabulous. So yeah Enjoy I guess.

Vacation all I ever wanted...Vacation have to get away

2006-10-09T08:38:00.000-07:00

Hello Folks. I'm not ignoring all of you lovelies.....I'm on VACATION! Yes it's true, occasionally I get to leave the great Inland Northwest and travel to exotic places where I DON'T have to work. haha! I will be posting when I get home with all of my crazy adventures (ok, not so crazy, I'm boring) that took place on my vacation. Suffice it to say that my vacation included just enough time to relax, sushi with an old friend, some quality time with Theology Guy, wine tasting in the Napa Valley and a swordfight. (I'll let you use your best judgement on that last bit....) Until I get home and can write out the whole play by play I will leave you with this little snippet of vacation silliness:

Me: Hey, Theology Guy. Am I the only one that seems to think that sign is funny? (Pointing at an olive oil sign in Napa Valley that says "Extra Virgin Only, This Way")

Theology Guy: *silence*

Me: Sorry, I'm just so innnapropriate sometimes......

Theology Guy: You're going to hell for that.*

*That's not really what he said, I cannot remember what he said, I had been drinking lots of wine, but wouldn't it be funny if he said that since you know.....he's a minister and all?

A River Runs Through It

2006-10-01T20:03:00.000-07:00

>Does anyone else think that Melissa Rivers is really freakin scary? I mean I think her face is way too tight but even if she didn't scare me physically, she has a frightening sort of pumped up personality. TOO PUMPED.

>Which brings me to her mother who is starting to look like a cat:

>I am not exaggerating when I say that I spent ALL day doing laundry. Ok, well I did go to walmart for dran-o and it didn't even work. DAMNIT. It's all my thick-ass hair down the drain. Wouldn't it be nice if I could get away with a shaved head chic sort of thing?

Yeah. NO.

Moving on...

>You know what's sad? When a band would be better WITHOUT the lead singer.

>You know what else is sad? When you see a woman with a Chanel purse and a Dooney and Burke wallet and she pulls away in a BMW and you have to wait for her sorry ass to grab her sack full of crap at the DOLLAR STORE! This is one of two situations:

*You can afford the Chanel purse, etc. BECAUSE you shop at the dollar store.

*You HAVE to shop at the dollar store BECAUSE you spent too much on a damn Chanel purse.

Either way, it's ridiculous and made me laugh.

>Emo kids make me want to beat the crap out of them. I realize that we were all teenagers once but seriously. Your freakish skunk hair and tights, jeans and skirt are not making a statement, it's making me want to run you over with my 1989 Toyota Camry.

2006-09-30T17:18:00.000-07:00

Those three words are used too much..........and not enough

2006-09-29T11:54:00.000-07:00

I know that you all know that I know that you know that there have been things happening. My life isn't THAT boring. I just don't know how to begin to blog them, so I'm waiting. In the meantime I watched Grey's Anatomy last night and fell in more love with it. However if my roommate decides to take her sweet ass time getting home next thursday I am boycotting telling her what she has missed. How Rude!

oh and I want this:

Real Bad.

How to lose 5 pounds in one day

2006-09-23T17:40:00.000-07:00

Get Bird Flu.

No but seriously I'm fairly sure I have some form of stomach flu. I came home early from work yesterday because my back was aching and then all of a sudden I was violently nauseous. I figured I'd sleep on it and then feel better in the morning...no such luck. I spent all morning debating on whether I should come into work at the winery or not. I chose yes. And I actually feel a lot better, if not just a little empty in the stomach region. woot.

In other news...

The Bar Boy has been texting me like mad, he seems like a funny little man. Who knows if he'll prove to be the "Lame-o" that my mother insinuated, we'll see.

I went to visit a winery co-worker at her other job at a bar & grille and ended up having dinner. I was informed by the guy behind the counter that suggested the sandwich that it "Rocked" him when he had it. I was properly rocked, let's just say that.

I'm going to get my hair did tomorrow. I tried to get it done last week but Miss Michael was nowhere to be found. The roommate and I have decided that we'll go track him down tomorrow if we can't find him, we need the hairs done!

I'm at work at the winery right now and I just sold the mayor of a nearby town a bottle of wine. I hope he enjoys it, since he has to put up with being the mayor of a tiny ass little town in Eastern Washington. Godspeed man, godspeed.

I'm really pumped and counting down the days until I get to go see my family in San Francisco. I'm going to try really hard to at least have lunch with a friend from college. Oh yeah, and Theology Guy is taking me wine tasting. yeah you got it, I'm the luckiest girl alive!

Do you remember this little embarassing moment? Well I do. I saw him the other night while I was working at the winery. with a girlfriend. *sigh* it was not meant to be funky for either of us. At least not together anyway...

I'm starting to get my second wind and my stomach is definately calming down. Perhaps I should hit the town and celebrate the ending of the Bird Flu? Eh. More than likely I will retire at home doing this:

Imagine a picture of a lazyass cat here. Blogger is my nemesis when it comes to pictures and my mad fly HTML skills are failing me. Damnit!

My Superpower Is

2006-09-21T09:00:00.000-07:00

UPDATE: My sidebar is back. What the heezy?!

I got into a conversation last night with some folks as to what my superpower might be. I told one of the guys that I was really good at "smartass remarks" so I might be "Smartass Girl" but that people might not understand the phrasing and call me "Smart Assgirl" and that just would not suit. I checked out my blog this morning and sure enough, my sidebar is gone. I have no idea why, it just flew the coop. So I guess I was wrong, I'm invisible, not ass smart.

Hormones or Hooch?

2006-09-17T12:27:00.000-07:00

Ever have one of those nights where you definately have too much alcohol and the next morning you look at your caller ID and wonder who the hell you called last night? I just looked and this is what I saw:

*This Guy (who by the way finally admitted that we actually "dated")

*This friend from the winery

*Bar Boy (I left a message)

*The Girlfriend of a friend from High School (I called to tell her that the Mike's Hard Lime I was drinking reminded me of her and I drinking way too much of it a few Halloweens ago)

*An ex-boyfriend from college (who I actually called when I was SOBER earlier but then re-called while drunk)

*Number I don't recognize (later it turns out to be the roommate's boyfriend's irritating friend that drunk dials him too much. I was a drunken tool of revenge.)

I'm fairly entertained and slightly horrified at the random list that I assembled there, I gotta say.

Oh. And...

I'm pretty sure this has nothing to do with hooch and more to do with hormones but this morning I cried at a Garth Brooks video on CMT. WTF?!

Just Sayin.

Please hold while your application is considered

2006-09-16T10:18:00.000-07:00

So, the Bar Boy did indeed eventually ask me out and we went and got ourselves some beers. We had some nice conversation. The only problem is that I find myself thinking:

"He sure learned a lot about me, and I don't know a thing about him".

I'm not sure what to think about this. I suppose if he asks me out again I'd go out and have a drink or something with him but truth be told, there really wasn't a connection or anything. He seems nice enough, just didn't create that spark you know? I guess this is "dating". He did walk me to my car after and as we stood there saying our goodbyes, he leaned in (for what I don't know) and I decided I was really not into a kiss from this particular gentleman. So I hugged him, and he hugged back and it was..........nice. But that's it. Thinking back on it, I'm really glad that I didn't kiss him (or let him kiss me, if that's what he was going for). I guess I've come to the point in my life where even the kisses are exceptionally important and I have to say that I am glad that this is the last kiss on my memory.

Sex is for grown ups

2006-09-13T20:36:00.000-07:00

How can anyone even date having watched "To Catch a Predator" on Dateline NBC? Some of these guys are married with kids. Kids the AGE OF THE GIRLS THEY ARE TRYING TO SCREW! I don't even know what to say, I'm really disgusted and it makes me never want to go on a date again.

Well...Except maybe with Theology Guy.

Rant-a-rific

Insert *SIGH* here

I need your support on something

My new Favorite Thing

I look famous!

A Selfish Affair

OMG!! WTF!1! A NEW POST!

Snowed In

A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes...

LOVE YOUR CERVIX!!!

Who is PAYING FOR THIS?!

An Update

I have GOT to lose some weight

A Relationship By Any Other Medium...........Or Where the hell else am I supposed to meet men?!

Who publishess this crap?!

If I have to...

It doesn't make me feel very good..

Your Bloody Well Right..

Jolly Good

In my day they punished being a Brat. Now they promote it.

If you can't beat 'em, pretend to join 'em

Productive, I dare say.

Does this mean you're going to track me?

Why I get accosted on planes, and other tidbits of debauchery

I Are Addicted

Re-Magnetized: Part Deux

Re-Magnetized

I probably think this song is about me

Biology Sucks

Well Shit

I could be a very rich woman by now.

And why are you asking me?!

This post will probably be confusing

Deception is not hot

I'm so tired of this shit

12:42 AM

Some days..........I'm tellin ya

I want a boyfriend......IV

HEY ASSHOLE

If this shit doesn't make you laugh, then your laugh button is busted

Don't drink in a hot tub, no seriously don't

An Update

Weekend Update..................oh and a Fat Rant

Things I learned on the drive back from my parent's today

Somehow that makes it all better

I don't even know what to say anymore

And he smelled good too.

A Discovery Dear Watson!

You Compl.....Infuriate me!

STOP SUING EVERYONE FOR CHRIST'S SAKES!

I am SO old enough to know better

Blast from the Past

Is that Australian Dollars?!

My First Time

Pull up a chair Jackass...

Uh...Thank you? I think?

Thank you, Drive through

It's No Work Friday!

IZ in yur blahgs plAyn Wt teh internetz

I Suck

Public Service Announcement

I Want a Boyfriend...III

He's a sweet talking sugar coated...Candyman

DIY

Behave yourself......you're the TEACHER

Corporate Culture on the Skids

Thank you for saying yes

Hope for the future

Like Dilbert..............On Hormones

Punky Little Brewster

Point gun at foot. Pull Trigger.

Emergency Room = Extreme Irritation

The Blue Man Group, A Cluster Fuck, and One Working Nostril

We're all 14 deep down inside

PSA's are for pansies

Please store your hoover in the overhead compartment

Birthday Booyah!

Highlights and Lowlights: Musings from one trip to Oregon

A Hiatus in Pictures

One year's worth of posting....and I'm drunk.

Insert SIGH here