"Doogie Howser, Paging Doogie Howser, MD"

I went to the emergency room today. Look! I even have the bracelet to prove it:

I'm going to leave it on for a while. It's my badge of honor. I survived the ER. AGAIN. I've been to the Emergency Room 4 times in my whole life and 3 times in the last 4 years. I'm sure that for some of you this is not a big number. For me, this is disconcerting. I get sick maybe once a year. Maybe. The last time I went to the ER it was for a torn rotator cuff sustained in a Trolley Accident. let me repeat that:

A TROLLEY ACCIDENT.

Yours truly was (of course) the only injured party on a Trolley full of people that hit a Jeep. I had to drive myself to the hospital because like the workaholic dumbass that I am I went to work that day while I was still pumped full of adrenaline and when the buzz of adventure finally wore off I was in such pain I had no choice but to go. The time before that? I had a double ear infection so bad it spread to my neck. yes, my neck. I couldn't turn my head more than one inch to the side either way, that one sucked bad.

Today my Emergency Room visit was thanks to a little culprit we call, Bronchitis. Learn it's name well folks, you will curse it one day if you have not already. I'm not satisfied with some wussy cold and eye infection kids, no no. I need a full on bronchiole inflating, lung tightening, dizzy spell inducing, breakout sweat causing, bloody phlegm coughing problem.

I my body.

No, really.

I learned a couple of things on my little ER visit that they don't show you on primetime with Dr. George Clooney.

• *Do not believe people that say that all ER's are the same. They are not. This was my second trip to this particular hospital's ER and I have to say that both the first time and this time they were wonderful to me. As opposed to the Dr. at the other ER that made it seem like I had voluntarily jammed my arm into the jeep while on the trolley.

• *If you happen to have breasts large enough to need an underwire, you are not getting out of the x-ray room wearing anything suitable to attend a function in. I'm sure my new fashion statement will be all the rage on the runways this year: Black pinstripe slacks and a hospital gown. So Chic.

• *God Bless Catholic Hospitals. They may not be willing to give you the morning after pill if your condom broke but they have signs posted everywhere stating that even if you cannot pay one little penny for treatment they will treat you anyway. Nuns are awesome.

• *If I only had more energy I would try to scout out a hot youngish doctor and make my move. After I coughed up bloody phlegm on him, of course.

The moral of this story:

Get Bronchitis. All the cool kids are doing it.