Tuesday, December 18, 2007

A Relationship By Any Other Medium...........Or Where the hell else am I supposed to meet men?!

I'm pretty irritated at the moment. Yes, aren't you lucky, you get to read why.

I've met a man. I met him online. He is wonderful. We've been 'seeing each other' for about a month now. He has a good portion of the requirements I wanted in a man that my therapist made me decide upon while in therapy. The rest will come in time I'm sure. He is:

*Amazingly Kind
*Creative
*Spiritual
*Mature
*Responsible
*Appreciative of Spontaneity
*Funny
*Appreciative of my funny
*Into the Theatre (anyone that reads this blog knows this is important to me)
*Into Movies (again, seriously)

I'm going to stop my list there, I could go on and on and on I'm sure.

Here's the thing that throws most people over the edge about this:

We haven't "met" in person yet.

Before you freak out and leave me a crazed comment, please let me enlighten you on the situation that called for this course of action. NO, he is NOT in prison. (although a good friend told me recently that one of her best friends, a very logical, educated social worker met and then eventually married a man that she met while writing letters to in prison)

Through a series of unfortunate events (most of them beyond his control and not his fault) he has been stuck on the east coast for over a month. The first two weeks were work (he had left the day after we first emailed), then work made him stay on because his replacement quit. He got as far as Denver and got a frantic email that his estranged mother was looking for him at his old apartment so he had to go take care of that mess and then when he was finally ready to come home there was an emergency room stay followed by bumped flights home because of a blizzard. Now I know enough about life to know that it screws you in the ass the first chance it gets. This may only happen once, but it's probably going to be the worst ass screwing you ever get. This is his ass screwing and it just so happened to fall right after we chatted the first time. In the meantime, we have spent over a month on the phone, on IM, emailing and text messaging. I know this man better than I knew my last boyfriend, and I had SEX with him for 3 months. I have not had sex with this man, nor have I even really thought about it until recently and only because I have become attracted to him in so many other ways. Although this situation sucks for both of us (particularly him and his being trapped in the NE) we both agreed it was the right thing to happen, it forced us to court each other, get to know each other on a level that was not clouded by sex or social pressures, etc. The craziness has finally ended and he is coming home within the next few days, I'm picking him up at the airport and we couldn't be more excited to see each other. He is mad for me and tells me daily. I feel the same way.

Where's the RANT part you say? This is "Rant-a-rific". Touche.

I have at least 2 friends that have plainly told me they are "suspicious" of him and flat out that they think he is a "pathological liar and is playing me". Don't get me wrong, I appreciate their concern but please know I am no fool. I have already double checked, address, phone number and driven by the house. I did those within the first 2 days of him telling them to me. I know how to protect myself and I have met a lot of men online and found the patterns that a liar uses. I'm no spring chicken at this. More importantly I have the not so tangible method of trusting my gut. I have a pretty damn good radar for people, and the sad truth is that every guy that ever hurt me (unless we were young and he had no idea what he was doing) I got a vibe from. I knew they weren't right but I dated them (or slept with them) anyway. Well, I KNOW that this one is good, I can feel it. The part that kills me about this whole situation is that those 2 friends (as well as a whole host of other people I reckon) would not even bat an eyelash had I met this man through letter writing to a soldier. (If you can think of a better example please tell me, this is the best I got). People fall in love with soldiers overseas all the time. They begin as pen pals, and then fall in love through these letters and end up together when the soldier returns home. I realize that not all of these last forever and I am not basing my situation on theirs, I am simply saying that in that situation, it would not be considered odd if that soldier was to return home and through no fault of his own had to stay on deployment, or was stuck at a base for a few days or a week or was sent to another location for a few days. These things would be considered normal, and waiting for that in person meeting would be something to be excited about, not looked down on.

I am EFFING tired of meeting people online being thought of and looked on as such a "risky" thing to do. May I remind everyone that Ted Bundy met women in bars and on the street and he KILLED THEM. My ex boyfriend I met at work, and he broke my heart.

DATING IS RISKY. Period. Doesn't matter where you meet people, you have to be careful with yourself, your heart.

I am mad for this man, nay, I LOVE HIM. I don't care what anyone says, he loves me too and I will meet him at that airport and it will be one of the happiest days of my life.

2 comments:

ptg said...

Hey - if this man turns out to be as good in person as he is through his voice, then that is fabulous. I am uber excited for you and cannot WAIT to hear about the time when he comes home!! (And, on a good note - we have friends that met online, dated for a year, got engaged, and have now been married for 5 years. So, it can definitely happen!!!)

For those that look "down" upon online dating -- they obviously are ignorant. We use the internet for everything - paying our bills, keeping in contact with people, searching for jobs, finding about medical conditions - why on earth would we NOT use it to meet people? Seriously!

Party Girl said...

Listen to your gut. Listen to your heart. Don't listen to anyone else. It is so easy to listen to others, doubt ourselves and continue on a pattern. Stop. Listen to you.
May the meeting at the airport be everything, then some, and more of what you hope, dream, and lose sleep over in the next two days.

We have (as people) forgotten romance. We have forgotten how to wo and how to be woed.
Slow and easy wins the race.
Sex without communication breaks the heart.



...Oh, and I met Mr. London online. He woed me. I learned to go slow. I fell in love for the first time. I learned to accept better for myself and to not go back to dating jerks. That alone was worth it.